Thursday, March 12, 2020

What is your hands on parenting quotient?


The other day my husband and I were having a general conversation. He made a statement that will linger on my mind for long and I will forever remember that. It was "D, how our personal and professional life shapes up also depends on how hands on we are in raising our kids." What does being hands on parent mean? So I would say how much of parenting you delegate and how much and what you do determines
 how much hands on you are. Is it bad to delegate? Absolutely not! In today's world where both spouse's work,some part of parenting will always be delegated. How much is that part and how is the delegation managed is the question.

When I was at home, I would make sure my daughter is fed all meals which are healthy. If there is help and the help doesn't make it as per my style, I will take control and do it. I will spend time with my daughter instead of engaging her in n-number of classes so as to have my free time.  This is my parenting style. Now for someone, who wants more free time or is not so concerned about their child's meals, they will not have the mental load of spending time or bothering what their child has eaten. Hence they will always have more time for other pursuits in life either professional or hobbies. 

Why is this discussion even relevant? In today's world there are a lot of working women. Parenting brings a lot of changes , more for the mother but also for the fathers.  The career progression after parenthood will largely be impacted by how hands on parent you are. I am not talking about impact in a negative sense. The impact will be determined by how hands on you want to be in parenting. Let's say you have a year old child and get an international assignment which might take your career to a different level. If at that point you want to be near your child, you will not get to choose that career path. A lot of people will tell you - " Take that assignment. Kids turn out fine. They are resilient". My question is "How resilient are you?" That is the question we need to ask.
A lot of people are ok with the nanny feeding junk food, showing mobile screen to the kids because they have become dependent on her. Even if I were dependent, I will find a replacement to her. Someone else might say, " Our kids grew up eating biscuits and nothing bad happened"  My point is good kids are not necessarily an outcome of good parenting and bad kids are not necessarily an outcome of bad parenting. You can always post facto rationalize your parenting style. But if you truly want good for your kid, you will do what good means to your conscience. 
For someone, leaving a 9 month old behind with family for a trip might not be a big deal . For someone else it might be. Kids will grow up fine ,because just as parents don't have choice of how their kids turn out, kids don't have choice how their parents are.
Hence the next time someone tells you why don't you do this -some xyz baby turned out fine- tell them your hands-on parenting quotient is different from theirs or wait ignore them and tell this to yourself.

#dsaidso
#mydaughtermyteacher
#parenting

Saturday, February 22, 2020

Shared Parenting


The other day I was a bit unwell. So much so that I wasn't able to get up and was feeling feverish. Husband equally tired from a long day and late from office, immediately handled the kids and did some basic household chores like filling water bottles etc which is normally done by me. He did all this without me telling him to do this. Core feminists might say there is nothing great about it. So what if my husband does this? It is great because it's an improvement from earlier times when I had to tell him to do certain things and he would not even understand sometimes. Now this is happening seamlessly. This to me is what shared parenting is all about - It's not just about sharing the chores on the list ,it is moving away from Do as Directed to taking ownership of execution as well as mental load.

Why is shared parenting required?
Purely, because when both the partners engage in child rearing, it becomes enjoyable for both as well as less stressful had it been done by one parent predominantly. It helps in binding with kids for both the parents. With today's nuclear family structure , it becomes imperative that both the partners share the load. Even if you have household help, there are still certain things you might need to do and there will obviously be mental load of tasks to be done.  Also 100% dependance on household help is risky as they take advantage of the dependence sometimes. Hence shared parenting is required. Shared parenting does not mean exact 50-50 division of tasks. It means division in a way such that both the spouse's get time to pursue their other ambitions. Sometimes the child rearing  load might be more on the spouse whose the professional load is lighter and vice versa. But over a period of time it evens out.

What are the roadblocks to shared parenting? What are the possible solutions to them?

Patriarchal mindset- Why should men do this? It's a women's job. Plus we can hire help. Why should a man be involved in all this? Log kya kahenge mindset - beta bacche ka diaper badalta hain
Solution- This one takes time. Mindset change is individual as well as societal pressure helps. Ads by Ariel like Share the load sort of help in driving home the message. Also because we emulate the west - showing that in the west people do things on their own should help in changing the mindset. Give the example of Sharmaji ka beta from USA .

There is help available mindset-   There is affordable household help available in India, why do this on our own. So delegate. 
Solution- Not everything can be delegated. Also if it can be , what about the mental load about this management if househelp? What about their sick days? We need to drive this point strongly.

Women not letting go- Women expecting perfection and hence refusing to delegate
Solution - This is a tuff one. Women being perfectionist,  want things to be done in exactly one way. Women must realise that even if things are not done in their way they want but done in a reasonably ok way, the world will not come to an end. For example if your husband gives bath to your child in a diferent way than yours , it's ok. 

Income factor - The factor that women's salary is much lower, hence she can stay at home so that husband can fully focus on work. The combined family income due to this will still be higher
Solution - Men need to understand that job is not merely a source of income , it's much more for women. Two jobs also help in risk diversification in volatile times. 

Joint family -  Joint families are great support systems if they want to help. But they are the worst if big egos are involved. If the elders especially elder women in the family want to trouble the daughter in law, they will ensure she doesn't get her husband's support and brainwash him against shared parenting.
Solution : Men need to be smartly told that what difference their help makes and how it positively impacts babies. Once they realise that, then they generally are willing to contribute

Shared parenting is the only way forward for us to progress as a society. So the sooner we go there, the better it is.

#dsaidso
#mydaughtermyteacher
#parenting

-Dhanashree.
Https://dsaidso.blogspot.com

भाषा - the connect

आमचे इस्त्रिवाले भैया म्हणजे बाप लेक जोडी आहे. कधी बाबा येतात कधी मुलगा येतो कपडे न्यायला घ्यायला.मुलगा चेहऱ्यावरून मराठी वाटला नाही, म्हणून मी त्याच्याशी हिंदीत बोलायला सुरुवात केली. बाबा मात्र स्वतःहून माझ्याशी मराठीत बोलायला लागले. अगदी मराठी accent वाटला , आणि त्यांचा चेहरा महाराष्ट्रीय  वाटला.  ते मराठी बोलतात म्हणून त्यांच्याशी वेगळाच connect वाटला. मी सहज विचारलं, तुम्ही मराठी आहात का? ते म्हणाले, मी यूपी चा आहे, पण बरेच वर्ष महाराष्ट्रात आहे.   

बंगलोरला हॉस्टेल मध्ये होते तेव्हा इथे कोण जास्त‌ मराठी बोलणारे भेटत नाही याची खंत वाटायची मला.  मग कोणी मराठी बोलणार भेटलं की खूप मस्त वाटायचं.

माझ्या आईची आई आणि बाबांची आई दोघीही मालवणी ( कोकणी सारखी) भाषा बोलायच्या. त्या भाषेत डाळीच्या आमटीला डाळीचा सांबारा म्हणतात. आई अजूनही मराठीत बोलताना असे मालवणी शब्द वापरते. 

स्वित्झर्लंड येथील jungfraujoch ला जाणाऱ्या ट्रेन मध्ये स्वागत करण्यासाठी नमस्कार म्हटलं जातं आणि तेव्हा आपल्या हृदयात ला एक कोपरा सुखावतो. बहुतांश प्रवासी भारतीय असल्यानं त्यांनी असं केलं असावं. 

आमच्या मुलीशी आम्ही मराठी बोलतो. ती आधी फार छान इंग्लिश बोलत नसे. म्हणून आम्ही घरात इंग्लिश बोलायला सुरुवात नाही केली. आता ती इंग्लिशमध्ये सुद्धा छान बोलते. ती इंग्लिश शाळेत जाते. पण तिला उत्कृष्ट मराठी लिहिता बोलता आलं पाहिजे अशी माझी इच्छा आहे. काल mother language day होता. त्यानिमित्ताने हे लिखाण .  

#मराठी
#motherlanguageday
#unesco

-Dhanashree
https://dsaidso.blogspot.com

Wednesday, February 19, 2020

मोठेपणा


‌गेल्या आठवड्यात रस्त्यावरून जाताना ओळखीच्या काकू भेटल्या. माझी त्यांच्याशी फारशी ओळख नाही म्हणजे  जाता-येता दिसतात फक्त. माझ्याबरोबर माझी लेक होती. ती कुठल्या शाळेत जाते अशी  काकूंनी चौकशी केली. माझ्या लेकीनं शाळेचे नाव सांगितलं. त्यावर त्यांनी आपला नातू कुठल्या शाळेत जात होता सांगायची सुरुवात केली. (आता त्यांचा नातू कॉलेजात आहे.) तर हा त्यांचा संवाद. "माझा नातू आर्य विद्यामंदिर शाळेत जात होता. मग त्याला IG बोर्ड हवा होता. अंबानी च्या शाळेत दोनदा ट्राय केली ऍडमिशन ,पण मिळाली नाही म्हणून मग शेवटी जमनाबाई मध्ये घेतली."त्यांच्या बोलण्यात नातू इंटरनॅशनल बोर्डात जातो त्याचा भयंकर मोठेपणा होता.  मला त्यांच्या वागण्याचं  नवल वाटलं. नातू कुठल्या शाळेत जातो यावरून कसला आलाय मोठेपणा?

‌ काही लोकांना आपण मोठ्या घरात राहतो किंवा शहराच्या मध्यवर्ती ठिकाणी  राहतो याचा भारी मोठेपणा असतो. माझी आई मुंबईच्या दादरमध्ये वाढली. तिच्या माहेरचं हिंदू कॉलनीत पाच खोल्यांचं घर होतं. अतिशय मोठं घर आणि हिंदू कॉलनी सारखी सुशिक्षित सुसंस्कृत आणि पॉश लोकांची एरिया. तरीही माझ्या आईने कधीही- कधीही म्हणजे खरंच कधी एकदा सुद्धा आमचं असं मोठं घर होतं हे विधान केलेलं आठवत नाही. छोट्या घरांना तुच्छतेने बघितले असं  आठवत नाही. त्यामुळे मला घरावरून असा मोठेपणा करणाऱ्यांची खूप मजा वाटते.

‌ एकदा तर एका ओळखीच्या बाईंनी त्यांच्या मुलाला सासर्याने कसं दिल्लीचं विमान प्रवासाचं तिकीट काढून दिलं त्याचा मोठेपणा केला. मी त्यांना विचारलं तुमच्या मुलाची टिकीट काढण्याची सुद्धा ऐपत नाही का? असं म्हटल्यानंतर त्यांचा चेहरा अगदी बघण्यासारखा होता.

‌ काही लोकांना आपण किती फिरलो विशेषतः किती परदेश फिरलो याचा भारी मोठेपणा असतो. दुसरे काही विषय नसतात त्यांच्याकडे बोलायला. वाचन ,काम, अजून काही छंद,  काहीच नाही. मला म्हणायचं तुम्हाला फिरायचं होतं तुम्ही फिरला. त्याचा कसला आलाय मोठेपणा?

‌ मोठेपणा कसला आणि कुठे मारायचा त्याला सुद्धा काहीतरी सीमा असते. त्याहीपेक्षा माझ्या दृष्टीने सर्वात जास्त महत्त्व माणसाच्या वागणुकीला आहे. तो माणुसकीने वागतो का हे खरं महत्त्वाचं..बाकी  मोठेपणा करणं ही रिकामटेकड्या लोकांची कामं.
-धनश्री
#dsaidso
#randommusings

Wednesday, January 29, 2020

What motherhood taught me

 
‌My younger daughter turned 4 months on 26th January. I still remember the fag end of pregnancy when I was super tired and thinking when I will finally deliver. From that to delivery and then 4 months post delivery ,time has passed really fast.  And yes my elder one is now almost 5 years old, 4 yrs and 8 months to be precise.  My elder daughter Swara fondly referred to little 'S' in my blogposts is now big 'S' the big sister. She is the one who talks like a big sis to my younger one, and tries to calm her down while she is crying. Suddenly my tasks for Swara have come down to only feeding her food predominantly . She no longer needs  baby like supervision. To me it feels all grown up. From me managing Swara to her managing my younger one , when did all this happen- I wonder?
‌I then go back in time and think of all those times when I used to get very concerned about Swara. Why was she sleeping late , was she being fed the right stuff etc etc. When you are away from your child,you will always have these questions. I then look back at the amount of energy I expended in thinking of those things. And I can say that in some cases I spent more time in thinking about them than they deserved. Should I have not thought about them at all? No that's not correct. I should have focused on actions only, and forgotten about unnecessary analysis as people don't change. As my daughter turns 5 , when I look back and think of the good times and bad times ,  my biggest learning has been only and only to focus on factors in my control. And this is easier said than done for people who want perfection. And now as I raise my two daughters, I want to share some of my learnings-
‌1. Motherhood will get overwhelming-   Becoming parents and especially a mother can get very overwhelming. Once you become a mother, you are most important figure in your child's life. The child will demand attention all the time. You will constantly have conflicting priorities and will have to continuously strive for that elusive work and family life balance if you are working. The trick to handle this state of overwhelming feeling is to take one day at a time. Not to think too long term. For example let's say your child is not eating proper food for a couple of days. Instead of worrying about what happens to his/her long term health due to this, focus on one meal at a time. Think of how you can make him/her eat healthy food then. If he/she eats well , fine. If he/she doesn't, try this method for the next meal. The advantage of thinking like this is your brain is free of unnecessary worry clutter and you focus on task at hand. Also look at bigger picture. If a few meals out of so many meals in so many years are unhealthy, it shouldn't worry you so much.
‌2. Your goal as parents is to teach the right morals and values to your child - In today's increasingly connected world, we cannot control what influences our children fall prey to. All we can do is teach them the right values and morals. Schools also do play a part in doing this. But we as parents should take an effort in doing this so that the children understand the difference between the right and the wrong.
‌3. Time is the key - Time is the key , time changes a lot of things. When your child is small, you will be dependent for a lot of small stuff. But as your child grows, your dependence will reduce. Basically when you are dependent, a lot of the support system can take advantage of your dependence on them. This will change with time. When your child becomes more independent, your dependence on the support system will decrease too.
4. It takes a village to raise a child- I  today's world , it is becoming difficult to find that village to raise a child.  The key is to identify those people in the village who are truly helpers to those whom you can turn at any time for help. Rest don't matter. They don't matter at all.Period.

5. " We raised our kids in xyz way and they turned up well." Is the most generic statement ever-  When your parenting style will differ from some elders, this is the standard argument put forth by them. If it's in good intent, its ok.  If it's to prove how they were  good parents, it's full on nonsense. First and foremost there is no proof of what happened that time. Secondly the environment was different. Thirdly even orphans turn out fine. So you get the point. A child that turns out well is not necessarily a product of great parenting and vice versa is true too. How you raise your child should be entirely you and your spouse's choice. Difficult in Indian society but this is how it should be.

6. Enjoy each phase of parenthood- Each phase of parenthood brings with it a set of joyful times as well as challenging times. Many a times we focus on only challenges and forget to enjoy in the moment. Cherish each moment as these days never come back.Maybe your baby was a lot cranky during the day. But she must have smiled too right. Focus on the smiles

7. Small things matter-The time you spend with your child matters more than material stuff. Yesterday I picked up my elder daughter in arms after a year( due to pregnancy and post csec recovery). She was overjoyed and she told everyone she met how mumma picked up in her arms. Small things for us, big things for kids.

" Kids grow up, it will all be fine" they say. It's the nature's law that  kids will grow up. This is  a good statement to say during tough times. But as parents our job is to raise them with good values and morals and leave the rest. And last but not the least do not let others judgements of your parenting style affect you even a bit.

-Dhanashree
#dsaidso #parenting #mydaughtermyteacher

Friday, June 21, 2019

Throwback to IIM Bangalore days


20th June has always been a special day for me. It's the day I started my PGP at IIM Bangalore 8 years back -- that is on 20th June 2011. On this day, my roller coaster ride for 2 years began. Why did I do my MBA in the first place? There were many reasons for the same. A sense of achievement, an experience of being in one of the top institutes , career growth to name a few. Did I achieve what I wanted? There are multiple times in the year when I reflect upon this question but on days like this, I reflect even more. It's been 6 years since I have graduated from IIMB. Now I look at my post MBA life in a different perspective. I now no longer constantly think about if my career growth is at right pace, has the MBA really accelerated my career etc. Instead I am happy about some of the amazing things that the MBA from IIM has given me.

Looking back at the 2-year PGP , I feel the learnings that it gave were tremendous. It was not just about knowing the subject matter from the best of the professors. It was not just about grades. Competing with the best of best wherein in one quiz you would be at the top and in the next one barely average and managing to survive this sinusoid of grades was a task in itself. Mind you , almost everyone at IIMB have been toppers at their respective colleges or from the top undergrad colleges. Getting an average score on quiz is not easy for most of the people to accept in the first place. But going through this grind is very similar to what life would offer. Sometimes we do well , sometimes we don't. The key takeaway is that as Raj Kapoor said, the show must go on. We must continue working hard. We must move on. IIM Bangalore taught me this- it gave a boost to my existing fighter spirit. You got to work hard and better every single day. And when I meet my friends even now, I see the same spirit around.

It has given me an amazing network of people. People who came from varied parts of India, varied socio economic strata, but brought together in one campus due to sheer merit.People who are not only brilliant in their respective fields but also in a lot of other stuff. In the recent alumni meet, I met alumni who along with managing their demanding careers were into things like starting schools in their villages, doing stage shows,writing books etc. As a part of Women in IIM group, I am equally amazed at the stories of how women have managed careers, families, juggling the two and yet managing to live their dreams.

When I graduated 6 years back, all I thought of is Husshh! The quiz saga and non stop exam saga is over. The only thing I thought I would miss is the hostel and my room. Now looking back, I think those 2 PGP years at IIM B were the best learning and fun years of my life. I not only miss my room and the campus but so many memories in which the quizzes and exams seem so trivial.

Miss you, IIMB!

My old post on IIMB here - http://dsaidso.blogspot.com/search/label/IIM?m=1

-Dhanashree

Wednesday, June 19, 2019

#SavetheDoctors


Neena is a working professional in her 40s. She has a very demanding job. She regularly suffers from cough, cold, bad throat. For that her remedy is to pop pills, some of them antibiotics on her own. Last month, she had a very severe case of throat infection. It was not getting better by those pills. Finally she visited the doctor. The doctor asked her the medical history. She mentioned that she had taken antibiotics on her own. The doctor prescribed some other medicines. Neena took few weeks to recover. It was a bit longer than expected for her age and condition.. Who does Neena blame for this? The doctor ? Can she ignore the fact that this random pill popping may have caused her body to become antibiotic resistant? Can she ignore the fact that the stresses of her job may have lowered her immunity?

Sharmaji is in his late 60s . He has diabetes and BP. His philosophy of life is you live only once and hence 'ji bhar ke
Kha lo' .Sharmaji doesn't believe in restricting sugar intake. If sugar increases , there is always insulin . He has been doing this for last 5-7 years. Last month he developed a foot infection and his foot had to be amputated and a Jaipur foot installed in its place. According to him, it was the doctors fault of not being able to prevent the amputation. What about the fact he did not follow the diet that the doctor had given? How regular was he in his medicines?

Mr & Mrs Joshi recently went on a Europe trip costing many lakhs of rupees. On coming back Mr Joshi was feeling very fatigued for a few days. The doctor recommended some tests worth Rs 15,000. When the results came, they looked all fine. The doctor then recommended some more tests. To this, Mr Joshi's reaction was the fact that " Doctor just recommends unnecessary tests. He is just a loot and has some setting with the lab people"
My question is how qualified is Mr Joshi to declare a test is unnecessary? If the report is good , the test becomes unnecessary? And what if the doctors hadn't recommended that test , and it would have turned negative later? Mr Joshi would have blamed the doctor for not recommending the test. A person who can spend lakhs of money on travel suddenly feels a healthcare checkup expense as unnecessary? Most people want 5 star treatment and facilities in a hospital and the cost should be peanuts. That will never happen. We do not go to Starbucks expecting the cost as well as the taste of a filter coffee. Similar logic should apply.

The point I want to make here is that it is very easy to blame doctors. While there might be cases of neglect by doctors, that does not mean they are always wrong and by any means does not justify physical violence against them. Each patient is different- his age, his family history, his immunity etc. How he responds to treatment depends on his body and not the treatment alone. What works for one person may not work for other. Hence before comparing two people and doctors, one must remember the uniqueness of each immune system.

 I have myself had many extremely positive experiences with doctors who have gone out of their way to treat me and my family. Hence in the light of what happened in Bengal a few days back, I thought I should write something on this issue and help in #Savethedoctors movement.

- Dhanashree

P.S the examples here are fictional inspired by similar real life stories

Wednesday, June 12, 2019

आजी


"काहीतरी बोलूया " ही माझ्या लेकीची नेहमीची मागणी .  मी इतकी बडबडी आहे, पण तो रेकॉर्ड आता माझ्या मुलीने तोडला आहे. एकतर फक्त तिने बोलले पाहिजे किंवा फक्त तिच्याशी लोकांनी बोलले पाहिजे हा अट्टाहास. रात्री झोपताना माझ्याकडून कुठली गोष्ट ऐकायची आणि बाबाकडून कुठली हे तिच्या मनात पक्क ठरलेलं . अशा माझ्या अनेक गोष्टींपैकी तिची आवडती गोष्ट म्हणजे सरस्वती आजीची गोष्ट . सरस्वती आजी म्हणजे माझी आजी, मी तिला आजीच म्हणायचे, लोक तिला ताई आजी म्हणायचे. स्वराने तुझ्या आजीचे नाव काय असे मला विचारले आणि तिचे नाव सरस्वती असे सांगितल्यावर ती स्वरासाठी सरस्वती आजी झाली.  आजी मुळात मालवणी बोलायची आणि आमच्याशी मालवणी मिश्रित मराठी किंवा मराठी मिश्रित मालवणी. मालवणी भाषा ही  कोकणी आणि मराठी या  दोन भाषांच्या मधली भाषा म्हणायला हरकत नाही. मधली म्हटलं कारण ती थोडीफार मराठी आणि थोडीफार कोकणी सारखी वाटते. मालवणी बद्दल लिहिण्याचं कारण हे - माझी आजी काही मालवणी म्हणी सांगायची ज्याचा या काळातसुद्धा उपयोग पडतो, अर्थ लागू होतो.               रोजच्या व्यवहारात त्याची आठवण नेहमी येते.

 स्वराला जेव्हा सरस्वती आजीच्या गोष्टी ऐकायच्या असतात तेव्हा मी तिला आमचे रोजचे किस्से तर सांगतेच, त्याचबरोबर या म्हणीसुद्धा सांगते. एका दिवशी एक  म्हण आणि त्याचं उदाहरण अशी साधारण आमची गोष्ट असते.  तिला गोष्ट सांगताना  नेहमी असं वाटतं कुठेतरी हे लिहून काढावं . पण आजीच्या इतक्या आठवणी भरून येतात की लिहिणं काही होत नाही. एक  लिहायला घेतलं कि दहा गोष्टी आठवतात , आठवणीत, जुन्या काळात जाऊन, आजी नाही याचं  दुःख होतं  आणि मग लिहायला जमत नाही.  पण आज ठरवलंच या लिखाणाला सुरुवात करायची. या विषयावर किती सातत्याने लिखाण होईल हे माहित नाही पण आज सुरुवात करतेय.

आजीला कुठलीही गोष्ट फुकट गेलेली आवडायची नाही. याचा अर्थ ती कंजूस होती असा नसून ती व्यवहारी होती असा आहे. उदाहरणार्थ - लहान असताना माझ्याकडे भरपूर खेळणी आणि कंपासबॉक्स होते. मला या दोन्ही गोष्टींची आवड. एवढ्या वस्तू असूनसुद्धा मी अजून त्यात काय नवीन दिसलं तर मला हवं  असायचं .. एकदा तर मी business हा खेळ घरी असताना अजून एक वेगळ्या पॅकिंग मध्ये business दिसला म्हणून घेण्याचा हट्ट धरला. शाळेच्या result  नंतर मला आजोळहून गिफ्ट असायचं. त्याप्रमाणे  मी माझ्या आजोबांना  business घ्या  असं सांगितलं . घरी आल्यावर आजीने " घरी एक खेळ असताना दुसरा कशाला?" असं थोड्याफार रागातच विचारलं. एकसारखेच दोन खेळ, फक्त थोडेफार वेगळे दिसतात म्हणून घ्यायचे हे तिला पटतच नव्हतं. मी मात्र नवीन आणलेल्या खेळाबद्दल आजी बोलल्याने हिरमुसून बसले होते. मग थोड्यावेळाने आजीने माझ्या जवळ येऊन माझी समजूत काढली .ती म्हणाली" अगो धनु, अशे पैशे फुकट घालयणात नाय. आपल्याकडे पैसे नसले तर आपणाक कोणी विचारुचो नाय. बरा असताना सगळे येतीत पण गरज असताना कोण्णेक धावून येवचो नाय"  तेव्हा हे ऐकताना फारच old-fashioned वाटत होतं . एक खेळ  घेतल्याने काय येवढं बिघडणार आहे असं वाटायचं . त्यावर आजीचं म्हणणं एक खेळ घेण्याबद्दल नसून या वृत्तीबद्दल होतं‌‌ असं ती म्हणाली. तिचं अजून एक म्हणणं होतं ते म्हणजे असे फुकट पैसे घालवण्यापेक्षा गोरगरिबांना मदत करावी.

माझी आजी २००६ साली गेली. आता तिला जाऊन बरीच वर्ष  झालीत.  आता मात्र एवढ्या वर्षात आजीचं बोलणं १००% पटलं. पैशाची चणचण कधीच भासली नाही पण  आपली  आर्थिक आणि सामाजिक स्थिती कळल्यावर लोकांच्या वागण्यात बदल होतो हे लक्षात आलं. "खर्च करायला काय झालं, पैसे तर येतच राहणार" असं म्हणून स्वत:चे पैसे राखून दुसऱ्याला चढवणारे आणि खर्चात पाडणारे भेटले, की आजीच्या शिकवणीची आठवण येते.
आपल्याकडे सगळं असताना लोक कसे वागतात आणि आपल्याला गरज असताना लोक कशी पाठ फिरवतात याचा अनुभव घेतला.  आपल्याला गरज नसताना, सगळं छान चालू असताना  सगळेच येतात. त्यातले जे कठीण प्रसंगात येतात आणि आपल्या पाठीशी उभे राहतात , तेच खरे आपले. याचा मला प्रत्यय अगदी सारखा येतो आणि आजीची आणि तिच्या असंख्य म्हणींची आठवण झाल्याशिवाय राहत नाही.

आज पुलंचा स्मृतिदिन. पु ल सुद्धा म्हणाले होते " मोठेपणी श्रीमंत हॉटेलात पार्ट्या देणाऱ्या मित्रापेक्षा लहानपणी न मागता हातावर खोबऱ्याची  वडी देणारी म्हातारी आयुष्यभर आठवत असते."

-धनश्री

Sunday, April 7, 2019

With you, always


My sister-in-law and her husband graduated from ISB, Hyderabad this year. My husband went to Hyderabad to be a part of this convocation. Me and my daughter could not join him, hence he went on his own. Incidentally at the Hyderabad airport, he met a couple who were also going to ISB for their son's convocation. All of them took the same cab to go to ISB.

On noticing that my husband was travelling alone, uncle asked him why I am not accompanying him. My husband replied saying that I have some other commitments and hence I am not accompanying him. But this questioning did not stop there. Uncle further probed my husband if that was really the reason why I wasn't accompanying him. He was like are there any issues in our marriage? He went on to market further that he is a marriage counseler and we could go to him if we had any issues.

When my husband told me this, I did not know how to react. Just to get business, a marriage counselor tried to find fault in the marriage of a new acquaintance. Secondly if he truly thought that travelling together always was a hallmark of a successful relationship, I only have one thing to say- save his wife and his counselles too:)

My husband and I had promised each other right since the beginning that we would be with each other always. That doesn't imply we would go to each place and occassion together. That just means, I will be there with you each and every time you need me.

Ultimately I am With you, always !

-Dhanashree
#dsaidso
Https://dsaidso.blogspot.com

Monday, April 1, 2019

There is no right Mama

And so April is finally here..The national poetry writing month #NaPoWriMo. I managed to write poems daily in April 2018 and hope to write even a few this time. The first one for today is taking cue from Today's prompt and discussing about being a "Mama". Society wants moms to fit a certain image. A mom wonders whether she is the right mama. I myself don't know if I am the right mama. But my experience of being a mom to my almost 4 year old makes me write this. To all moms out there, I wish to say- Don't be to harsh on yourselves. Be kind , your child understands you and loves you..
There is no right mama
There is no wrong mama
But there is a loving mama
And a mama with the right intent
How can be the best mama, I wonder
Has my baby been fed well, I ponder
Take each day as it comes, I say
Plan well while expecting some of it to fail
Some days are excellent
Some days are worse
But you know what—
Your baby needs and loves you despite the day’s outcome
Be kind to yourself, Slow down a bit
Never allow sarcasms to pull you down even a slight bit
Create your own village to help raise your child
Do not expect help from selfish people at any mile
Some people will go the extra mile to help
Some people purposely won’t
A child grows up nonetheless, a mother has enough power
Be your own true self , your child needs you
Do not be a “should be mama” that people want you to
There is no right mama
There is no wrong mama
But there is a loving mama
And a mama with the right intent

Thursday, March 21, 2019

We will sail through!

Today is World Poetry Day. Incidentally it also happens to be the day I got engaged 6 years ago.
Hence on this day, dedicating a poem to my husband:
As you held my hand tight
I knew it was you with who I wanted to live all my life
We sailed through the good and bad times
Keeping the promise to stand by each other for a lifetime
You gave me the highs in all my lows
While our little one always kept us on our toes
We didn’t have defined couple goals nor any checklists
All we did is supporting each other always
Our fights and our crazy schedules
With a long distance relationship in between
Nothing could keep our hearts apart
6 years on, a lot has changed
But you still hold my hand tight and say “ We will sail through”

What is your hands on parenting quotient?

The other day my husband and I were having a general conversation. He made a statement that will linger on my mind for long and I will forev...