Aaji

13^th August was  my Aajis birth anniversary. Had she been alive she would have been 107 years old. Aaji was born in the Kamat family of Banda in the Sawantwadi district in  Konkan. She was the second eldest amongst 4 siblings, 2 brothers and 1 sister. Aaji was named Saraswati, which means the goddess of knowledge. She was fondly called as “Tai”. After marriage, Aaji moved to Vengurla. My grandfather’s family business was a grocery store in Vengurla which was started by my great – grandfather.

Aaji had 5 children, 4 daughters and one son; my dad being the youngest. Aaji spent the major part of her life in Konkan( almost 60+ years). Still when she came to Bombay( as it was called then) , she adapted pretty quickly. Aaji came to permanently live in Bombay in around late 70’s.

 Aaji was the one who raised us ( along with my aunts), she was the one due to whom my mom could work in peace. Aaji did not go to native again because if she goes taking care of us would be a problem. My aaji would help in cooking as long as she could. Aaji would  help my mom make laddoos for us every 15 days( that time she was 80+). She was not the “ now – my – daughter in law – is – here – I should – just -chill -type- mother -in -law”. For aaji, the happiness of her children and her son’s family was of paramount importance. She would tell us to study and ensured we followed discipline. 

I remember a small incident , both my aaji and maternal grandma used to make pickles during summer. I would like both the pickles, but I liked my maternal grandma’s pickle more. Whenever my maternal grandma gave me pickle, aaji would feed me maternal grandma made pickle. She did not have the -I will purposely not feed anything given from the maternal side attitude. My mom never had to worry whether we are well fed or taken care of when she was in office.

Aaji wore a nine yard saree, she would look a bit traditional. But she was probably more modern in thought than some of the fashionable looking people. She chanted shlokas but never insisted upon us to blindly follow rituals. We had pujas, prasad etc but the most important thing she said is doing the right things. We need to be honest, sincere  , helping fellow human beings only then god helps us. Another thing I remember if there was a work commitment that coincided with a puja, aaji put work first.

 Aaji always believed women should work. She told me no matter what, a woman should earn so much to sustain herself independently.

 Aaji was very focused on her “sansar” – She would say “ Apla aaplya sansarakade laksha pahije” – means we should pay attention to our sansar. No matter how many helps you have, you should know what is going on and never leave the full house under their control. This has served me well more specially in covid times. Because I was always used to home management and chores, the no help in covid times are manageable.

 Aaji never played home politics. For her, her kids were more important than her ego massaging. If I have enjoyed the benefits of joint family , it is due to aaji giving it a direction and all the rest aligned with the intentions.

.Aaji’s wish was she should be able to be present at my brothers thread ceremony and my sisters( eldest aunts daughter) wedding before she dies. Both those events were planned in 2001 and 2002( she was 88 then). She could witness both these events. 

In 2002, she was hospitalized for around 22 days for sever cough and related illness in BPT hospital, Vadala. My mom and my aunt would do hospital duty daily alternating between day and night.. My eldest aunt and my dad took care of us while they were in hospital.  This was my aaji’s sanskar- family comes together in crisis and not only for get-togethers. I have always got the strong support of my family and that is the reason why I am able to have a career alongwith kids.

In 2006, aaji feel sick , a mild paralysis I would say. She did not get better after that and passed away in 2006.

P.S. There are many things and lessons I learnt from aaji, which cannot be covered in one post. But this is my gratitude post to one of the most influential woman in life

 

Aamchi aai tumchi aai veermata jijabai

"Aamchi aai tumchi aai veermata jijabai" is a slogan every VJTI'an chants sometime in his life. VJTI i.e Veermata Jijabai Technological Institute is my alma mater for engineering. But before it became my college, it was my dad's college too. It is the place from where my dad did his engineering too.

This degree gave my dad the academic engineering foundation as well his bread and butter. My dad came to Mumbai with hardly any money in hand but this degree provided him the job to progress in life. Due to this( and my mom's job too), I never had to struggle for basic necessities in life. I had the freedom to pursue my career without worrying about economic necessities.

VJTI is also the reason I met a good friend and now my husband, my life partner.
Before I knew what was IIM, I aspired to study from VJTI as my dad studied from there. Fortunately , I was able to and am grateful to VJTI for the wonderful foundation it provided me.

VJTI for me is truly like my aai, who gave me a lot and my previous generation without expecting anything in return. I am, and will always be , indebted to VJTI for this!

Just wrote this as it crossed my mind as I attended the VJTI alumni meet this Sunday. Ending it again by saying "Aamchi aai, tumchi aai veermata jijabai"

-Dhanashree
P.S in the pic, siddheshs batch is wrongly mentioned as 2008 instead of 2007. apart from us, my dad, my brother, sister in law and father in law are also VJTI alums

Lehman Day

#LehmanDay

This day , that time, 10 years ago to be precise.
15th September 2008- The day when Lehman Brothers ( the first firm I ever worked for) went bankrupt
Still remember---
How the week preceding that we had meetings convincing us that "All izz well" and things would work out
How we saw the downward spiral of the Lehman stock- from 17 dollars(1 week prior) to 4 dollars to bankrupt...
How we searched subprime mortgage crisis and CDOs and tried to make sense of what that all meant
How on the morning of 15th September the words Lehman and Bankruptcy flashed together as headlines
How  we entered office wondering if our swipes would work
How while waiting for a scheduled training, we tried to make sense of Chapter 11 bankruptcy and its impact on our jobs
Still find this totally unbelievable.....

But as time moves on ,so does life.
Ten years and now into my 4th job post engg, all I know is time changes a lot of things.10 years ago, I didn't know how my career would look like post bankruptcy, didn't know what it meant actually. But 10 years is a lot of time for things to take shape and some times all you need is just time.

Sometimes or maybe most of the times it just helps to wait , work and watch!

My previous post on Lehman here -http://dsaidso.blogspot.com/2018/06/10-years-since-lehman.html?m=1

-dhanashree

Of traditional maharashtrian food, love and memories

[ I had written this post on the occasion of my mum's birthday a couple of days ago. I had also written about food memories earlier  here - http://dsaidso.blogspot.com/2017/07/of-food-love-and-memories.html?m=1 ]

"Curry is a little less today" , my mum said as she looked over the kadhai. " But there is enough solkadi " she continued. Growing up in a GSB household ,having rice with curry was anyways not enough. Once you finished eating curry rice (or amti bhat as it is fondly called) , it was mostly solkadi rice or buttermilk and rice . Contrary to the rice heavy meals in my house, I predominantly chapatis  at meal times. 2 chapatis, bhaji , and then a bit of rice with curry or buttermilk was my thing.

 " You should not only have buttermilk rice , but  have both curry well as buttermilk. Nobody has rice with only curry in our house ", my aaji used to say. I ate so little rice that how could I have it with curry first and then buttermilk , I always wondered.

Coconut laden food is my memory of traditional maharashtrian food that I grew up with. Even if it were a simple thing like varan bhat, it was garnished with fresh coconut. Both meals in morning as well as evening comprised of chapati, bhaaji, curry, rice, kadi/buttermilk to the bare minimum. The special thing about curries in GSBs is it's not only yellow dal curry, but also curries of other pulses like chana dal, Kala vatana, moong, masoor etc. Kala vatana curry is a special one that lot of people like. Apart from the curries of pulses, there are heavy coconut gravy /coconut milk curries like sadhi amti, kairichi amti, golyachi amti. Fish curry was reserved for Sunday's in our house.

One of the things I remember vividly and that was followed throughout is the love and respect with which not only family members but also guests were treated. And food was one of the ways of conveying that. Mum made sure guests were well fed, she found  out what they liked beforehand and designed and cooked the menu accordingly. No matter how much food had to be made, no matter how time consuming it was, mom made it full love and a smile on her face . In fact if guests came, there were even the additional accompaniments like pakoras, koshimbir, raitas etc apart from the basic menu.

For the first 26 years of my life I had only one kind of food. We didn't eat out much and my mum's and dad's side of the family had very similar cooking styles. So even when I visited relatives, I had the same kind of food. This changed post my marriage.  I got married into a Kokanastha Brahmin family which has different variant of Maharashtrian cuisine.

Now I have a 3 year old daughter. Feeding her healthy and tasty food comes naturally to me. That's what's my mum did to me always. Passing down traditional cuisine to her has been effortless at least by intent because its what I have been eating all along. Getting married also exposed me to a slightly different variety of maharashtrian cuisine. The current food that my daughter eats is a blend of two types of maharashtrian cuisines and hence of cultures. As much as the intent of cooking traditional food is effortless, actually cooking isn't even if you have family members and external side help. As a management professional, I looked at a this as a problem which deserved attention and solution.The problem being trying to make the healthy and delicious meals in the time and energy that I have. It was like an optimization problem. To solve this I used the following

1. Plan your meals and menu in advance. It has to be as detailed as possible. This might seems obvious but if not done can cause problems like missing ingredients.

2. Try to use parallel processing as much as possible and sequence tasks well. So if you have two dosa pans then make dosas on both of them simultaneously so that they get done quickly for everyone. Use as many gas stoves you have in parallel.

3. It may so happen that while the veggies are getting cooked, maybe another gas has cooker and you have to be in the kitchen for checking the veggies in between. In such a situation, do things which are pre- prep for the next day like soaking pulses in water. Keep all vessels that you require for next day on the kitchen platform. So morning you spend less time on decision making as much as possible.

4. Use as much automation as possible by  making use of food processor , vegetable choppers and the like.

5.And yes, if I still have some mental bandwidth I listen to TED talks or youtube videos while in kitchen so I feel fully productive .

As Kaumudi Marathe has said in her book Shared Tables " From a young age, love was given to me tenderly on a plate so I also see food as memory and comfort. It is my muse ,  my inspiration, my way to give love"

I was lucky enough to have received this form of love not only from my mum, but also from grandmother and aunts. It's my mum's birthday today and as I write this my mind is flooded with memories of the delicious food she cooked for me.

To my mum and all these Annapurna's I dedicate a poem

I was a little girl
Who always felt hungry
"What's there to eat?", I used to  ask while looking at the pantry

" Your  poha is ready ",my aaji used to say
" I am making favourite kaapi" , my mum would tell

Every morning before my 6 am classes, there were fluffy chapatis being made
I can't go empty stomach was the rule unsaid

Every evening I got late, atya called
"Did you eat anything?" Please eat well that is all

In the midst of all competition,  and what you are doing in your career  calls
These annapurnas still care if I ate well after all
My health matters to them , I am a child in their eyes after all

 Cheers to food, tradition, love and memories.!

- Dhanashree Joglekar
Https://dsaidso.blogspot.com

Of losing and aging

I lost my uncle 'Bhai Kaka' 2 weeks back. He was my dad's eldest uncle's eldest son, almost of a grandfather's age, 95 to be precise. Given that the average life expectancy of Indian males is approx 68 years, Kaka lived a long healthy life. No hospitalization, no diabetes , no BP or the likes. Apart from the last stage of his life, he was never hospitalized. In all this maddening pace of life , things like the death of a loved one make you rethink about a lot of things. Your mind wanders back in time.

My mind went back to my childhood days. Whenever Bhai Kaka would visit us, he would get an Amul ice cream for me and my brother. If we knew Bhai Kaka was coming, the first thing we checked after coming home from school was the freezer and grab the ice creams right away. This was a ritual every time he visited us. Then as time progressed , we got busy, his visits also were slightly less frequent given his age. We became old enough to buy ice creams for ourseleves, even the fancier ones now.

I can now buy as many ice creams I want to for myself. I can order them online if I am too lazy to go and buy. But you know what, whenever I buy an ice cream now, all I feel is grown up. I realise that I am no longer small enough for someone to regularly buy these ice cream cups for me. This ice cream feels different from the one Bhai Kaka got us because maybe it doesn't have the love. Money can buy everything but not love for sure.

I am at a stage of life where my daughter looks up to me and I look upto my elders for their support and love. Knowing that you have the senior generation to look upto is such a comforting feeling. That someone will always be there for you. That you can be a child all over again. And that is why when we lose them, I feel grown up again. We age daily but events like this remind this even more. That time is passing fast and you have to be more responsible now. Anti ageing creams can make you look younger. But nothing feels younger than being the company of your mum, dad ,grandparents, uncle's and aunts..

Who make you feel like a child again and allow you to just be yourself.

#dsaidso #reflections

- Dhanashree

On the occasion of World Photography Day

"We can take only 3 more" , my dad said." By chance if we get extras ,we might be able to take 5 more. So 2 at Qutub Minar, 1 at India Gate and we should be fine" he continued. This was way back in the mid 2000's and my dad was talking about nothing else but the films remaining in the Kodak camera roll while we were on our Shimla Manali Delhi trip. 24 or 36 films in a roll was the standard then and when we went on trips we would take the 36 one. In case we required more, touristy places would always have these roll sellers as well. But there was never a time like that- as far as I remember trips were meant such that they get done in one roll. Why more -you know? After the trip, these Kodak rolls would be given for developing and printing. Once that was done, put them in a album and you are done. During family get- togethers these were shared with relatives. Birthdays were another event when such pics were taken. Any other special event like award winning ceremonies and all ,they had photographers who you paid for getting clicked and printed.

Then just as things evolve , the camera evolved too. The digital camera came along. A camera where the 24/36 restriction did not apply. The number of pics that could be stored in the digital camera was dependent on the memory. The more the memory the more the pics that could be taken and later could be transferred to a computer for viewing . They could also be printed if required.

Smartphones with increasingly better camera quality were a revolution in photography. Photographs could be easily taken on a camera and with the advent of internet and low cost data plans , photos could be shared instantly on social media. People now share pics on Facebook that they would previously have been hesitant to share to such a large audience. Photo editing and sharing apps like Instagram are a hit among the youth of today.

Potraying " How I look good" or "How I have a good life" through photographs is very commonplace these days. In fact some late millenials ( I mean the post 1995 gen) thinks that if you don't show love or good life on social media ,it simply doesn't exist.

There is a joke saying that if your wife is fighting with you , just tell her you want to take a selfie. For the good looking selfie she might smile and hence stop fighting for a while. Thus photographs even though seemingly real can be unreal too.Photographs are a depiction of emotions as they would like to be portrayed not necessarily as they are truly. As Susan Sontag has put it in her Essays 'On Photography'- "Needing to have reality confirmed and experience enhanced by photographs is an aesthetic consumerism to which everyone is now addicted. Industrial societies turn their citizens into image-junkies; it is the most irresistible form of mental pollution."

From the limited photographs in my childhood to the unlimited photos that we have now, science and technology have come a long way. And given our love for getting photographed and sharing our experiences , photography will only grow further. Newer and better ways of photography as well as sharing photos will continue to evolve. Because as Bruno Barbey has put it so aptly , "Photography is the only language that can be understood anywhere in the world"

#dsaidso  #worldphotographyday #worldphotographyday2018

- Dhanashree

Https://dsaidso.blogspot.com

Namaskar to the Maharaja-2

It was Sept 2012. I was at the Newark airport. I was at the Air India counter when the African lady at the counter asked ,"So you are staff?"

"No" , I said , "My mum worked in Air India"

She looked at my staff ticket ( which is confirmed subject to availability) and said "Ma'am your ticket is confirmed. You have got an upgrade to business class". I was thousands of miles away from my home country India and the only bond that connected me and the African lady at the counter was Air India.

I have experienced this all the time. A nice special treatment as the daughter of an Air India staff. Whenever I travel by Air India flights, I cannot help but feel a sense of nostalgia.
Air India was the company where my mum worked for more than 30 years of her life. Like any daughter, I always wanted to see mum's office. I still remember sitting in my mum's cabin and seeing planes from as close as I could. I remember taking flights when air travel was far from becoming mainstream. And I still do not remember my mum or any of her friends boasting about having travelled or having the ability to travel at such low cost and ease.
When I still take air india flights, sometimes people ask me when I need to have a non confirm ticket when low cost confirm tickets are available? My answer to that is , "For me, air india is a feeling. It's a feeling of pride for my mum having worked and served there. And I feel privileged whenever I take air india flights"

When Asshrita Chincharkar wrote yesterday about how she felt about being the co_pilot in her mum's retirement flight as air hostess, I just felt too nostalgic.

For this and many other reasons, I will always have a Namaskar to the Maharaja![ I had written a poem about the same earlier -http://dsaidso.blogspot.com/20…/…/namaskar-to-maharaja.html… ]

-Dhanashree

Baarish Wala Shuddh desi romance

Baarish Wala Shuddh Desi Romance( over the years..)

First year of Marriage---
Oh it's raining, so romantic.. Totally feeling Pyaar Hua Ikraar Hua wala feeling.. Going out using only one umbrella with hubby and giving those oh - so- cheesily- romantic looks to each other

Second year of marriage --

It's raining .. Having the chai pakora feeling..DH( Dear Husband) saying - Can you make some pakoras please

Darling wife agrees  says , "Yes darl"
 30 mins later , DH and DW sitting in the balcony  and having chai pakoras

Fast forward to 5 years post marriage..

It's raining. DH has lost his umbrella. Pleads to DW to give her umbrella.
DW- You can't even buy a new umbrella. How can we go in one umbrella? We will get drenched. Don't be filmy and use only one umbrella for us.

It's evening. Husband is back from work hungry.. 'Pls make some pakoras darl" he tells his DW.

But 5 years of marriage have made the DW smart, the pakoras have already been ordered from swiggy. While now the DW watches a movie on her lappie.

Five years hence, romance is still literally in the air- and the song Pyaar Hua Ikraar Hua is playing on Radio....

-Dhanashree
#dsaidso #kahaanighargharki #marriedlife #rains

Ugich Kashala

I was looking at myntra sale the other day. I showed a purse on sale to my mum and told her I am buying it. " Ugich kashala?" she asked. " You already have so many purses " she said.

Quite literally translated Ugich Kashala means unnecessarily why. Anyone who has grown up in a middle class maharashtrian household cannot not be familiar with "ugich kashala?" Ugich kashala has been my optimization algorithm. For some it seems like a risk averse mindset. But for me it is the logic thats defies FOMO( Fear of missing out).

As a kid, I remember the only time we took cabs/ autos for long distance travel was when we went out with aaji. It was not like my parents couldn't have afforded but then why take a rick when we could save money by using public transport. Ugich kashala? you know..

It was never always about money.Ugich kashala was also about optimization of time, resources. In school days, my building friends decided to enroll for dance class. I was never too interested in dance, but since all my friends were going, I wanted to go too. That time too my mum said , "Are you really interested in dance? Otherwise, ugich kashala ?" This helped me focus .

Thinking the "ugich kashala" way still helps me focus. It helps me say no to things that don't deserve my attention. It helps me in optimization of time , money and resources. It helps to lead a way of life independent of peer pressue.

As Anita Bhogle and Harsha Bhogle have said in their book The Winning Way - "If you have grown up in a family with few means at its disposal, you will still eat the last corner slice of bread or vigorously shake the bottle of ketchup to extract the last drop even if you can easily afford another one."

Do I really need to watch that movie? Or I should not, ugich kashala?
Should I go out in the rain ? Or just stay safe indoors , ugich kashala go out?
Should I buy the latest phone? Or let it be, ugich kashala?
Should I spend this evening partying or let me write something, ugich kashala waste time?

In a FOMO and consumerism driven world, Ugich kashala helps me and reminds me of my priorities and constraints. And for this reason, I love ugich kashala. And now let me stop.Ugich kashala continue this chatter?

What are your ugich kashala memories? Maybe it has not worked for you. Maybe it is too old fashioned. Or maybe it has worked for you. Let me know in comments.

-Dhanashree

10 years since Lehman...

Its 30th June today and its ten years since I first stepped into the corporate world by joining the erstwhile Lehman Brothers. I still remember the excitement on the first day. We were around 60 campus recruits from across campuses. In the first day we had sessions by different department heads.From the next day onwards, training followed. We started with G.Ramachandran's ( He was fondly called ramach) financial markets domain training. I must say that was one of the best financial markets and derivatives training I have received till date. Anybody from Lehman who has attended Ramach's sessions will vouch for this fact. In fact in the years that followed , I attended one more day session on financial markets only because it was conducted by Ramach.

Post our training just as we were getting allocated to projects, there was news of Lehman being in distress. There was uncertainty about what will happen. In those times, our department head did a wonderful job of keeping us all updated regularly, reassuring us and asking us to have faith in Richard Fuld(the then CEO of Lehman). But destiny had something else in mind.

On the Monday morning of 15th September 2018, as I was boarding the office bus, there was news about Chapter 11 Lehman bankruptcy. I still vividly remember that day. I had a training scheduled that day. The trainer didn't turn up. I frantically googled what is Chaper 11 bankruptcy. What does that mean for our job? Will we be asked to vacate the building?People started taking out stuff from lockers because they were not sure if they could reach office the next day. All of us campus recruits sat in a training room not knowing what to do. Some of us started making CVs, applying on naukri.com. In all this, there were talks of some other bank buying us out. Finally on 6th October , Nomura acquired us. There was job and stability. Finally there was an end to this uncertainty.

There are just so many wonderful memories that I can keep on writing them. I got to learn from so many wonderful managers and colleagues, from people not only in Powai office but across regions. I made some very good friends. 10 years since joining and 7 years since leaving Lehman/Nomura, Apart from the work I still remember
- Those wonderful training times,
- Chatting in breakout and caferia,
- The fact of how I got used to addressing everyone by first name and dropping the sir or madam title
- Prem wanting super formal dressing to the extent of insisting guys to wear a tie daily
- Just amazing processes and communication to employees
- Newsletter and CSR work
- Shuttling between Kensington  and Winchester
- Hanging out in Powai
....and much more..

To those Lehman and Nomura times, to those managers and friends, all I have is gratitude!

Cheers!
Dhanashree
Https://dsaidso.blogspot.com

For my Dad...

As a kid I was perceived to be studious and geeky, and I think it was rightly so. I was never much into sports or singing or dancing. Studies and writing, debating , elocution were my things.
I remember there was some Dasera function when I was in class 4 where they called up kids to dance on stage. I was not very comfortable about doing this impromptu performance. Other kids did, but I couldn't. I felt bad and started crying. My dad that time told me , " Its ok if you didn't dance. You know so many other things. Everybody need not know everything" . This statement probably laid the foundation of me being comfortable in being myself.

Further my dad always said ," Do whatever you want to do in life, but make sure you do that one thing really really well" My dad is a mechanical engineer from VJTI, yet he never pressurized me to pursue engineering. He just kept on insisting me to do my best in the field I choose. He just did not preach this , he practiced it too. He handled two departments in office at one point in time and he did extremely well at work.

Even at home it was the same, he was there for us always. Whenever my dad did any small thing, as small as putting the covers on our notebooks, they were done with finesse.Anything to be done, anything to be brought from the shop, he always had a to-do list. We knew that once we tell dad, things are bound to happen. Probably thats why even now when I commit something either small or big, I give my 100% and make sure it happens in the best possible way.

Another thing what I learnt from him is reading. My dad is an avid reader. At one point in time we had 5 newspapers - 3 English, 1 business and 1 marathi newspaper coming into our house. My dad would read all of them. He used to read them even while he was travelling in the local train. He is updated on the latest technology and business news. Many a times he still knows more than me. He doesn't watch sports or movies much but is aware of news in that area. Before the advent of internet, my dad used to keep cuttings of important new technology developments in a notebook. He was like my Google search engine before Google came into existence.

He used to always tell me to focus and use my strengths to the fullest. Once you do that , everything follows. I remember when I was in college , I had gone with him to a function in a 5 star hotel. I remember telling him, why don't we come here? To which he replied, you just work hard, people will call you to such places. He always told me not to think of all such things, but just focus and do the best.Probably thats any I am drawn towards achievement rather than anything else. All these things follow. Another thing was that he taught me to perform best in any circumstances. As I finished my MBA, he told the main goal of an MBA is problem solving. You should be able to solve problems work out solutions in any kind of situations. If one thing doesn't work try something else but once you start something try your best to finish it.

Years later when I look back at all this, I can't help but wonder how true it is. On this father's day, I am short of words to thank my dad for this upbringing. My dad who gave me the confidence to be myself, who gave me the freedom to choose what I wanted to and encouraged me to do my best in whatever I want to. He who helped me in my toughest times, playing a doting grandfather to my daughter.
You are and will always be my Hero No 1!
One little poem for my Dad!

Am I doing the right thing?
Am I good enough?
Sometimes my mind wanders
I think more than is enough

All I need then is reassurance
Someone to back my doubting self
To be by my side at all times good and bad

In all such times, there is my hero who tells me I have done my best
Leave the rest to god he tells me instead

The hero who runs for my help from anywhere
I am his priority number 1, I am in his prayers

The hero who finds happiness in my smile
Who loves me unconditionally at all times

This one is for my hero no 1, Baba!

#happyfathersday #fathersday #dsaidso #englishwritings

-Dhanashree
https://dsaidso.blogspot.com

On becoming a wife...

For the first 26 years of my life, I was only the daughter of my parents. May 27 2013 formally added a new relationship in my life- I got married and became my husband's wife( Majhya Navryachi Bayko- in the current marathi serial style if I may say). As our hindi movies have sadly depicted it- " Ladki to paraya dhan hoti hain" , so on 27 May 2013 , the " paraya dhan" was given away so to say. What did my family give away or what was that "dhan"?

Was it the endless times that my family sacrificed their personal "me" priorities just for me?

Was it the learning ability they built in me over the years by investing their significant time and effort in me?

Was it the amazing time I had during summer vacations that we were not sent to summer camps because caregivers at home needed a few hours off without getting the blame of sending the child to a creche?

Was it the confidence that they built in me over years by being there with me in my toughest times?

The list can go on....and is probably endless. The list of "dhan" or this wealth of upbringing is endless. But let me cut it short here.My point is when a girl gets married, parents just don't send a girl to another house, they send years of raising a confident young lady who can set up a family. They have probably taken as much efforts or even more to raise her as compared to a boy.So let marriage be a symbol of pride to the girls family - to have raised a superwoman.

I feel I was blessed to have a royal childhood surrounded by people who cared for me. When people say they like my writings, it is my childhood village at work who still motivates me. Hence though becoming a wife has added new relationships to my life but the power and the attachment of my older relations has only grown.

Dedicated to all girls and their parents and extended families....

#weddinganniversary #marriedlife #5yearsofmarriedlife #reflections #majhyanavryachibayko

-Dhanashree

Of giving up..

In 2014, I had the opportunity to visit my husband's alma mater IIM Calcutta for the first time. As soon as I entered the campus, I could sense a feeling of "chill". The same might not be felt by the students but as a visitor visting a campus which has 7 lakes and gentle breeze overflowing , I felt at peace. I remembered William Wordsworth saying - " What is this life if full of care, we have no time to stand and stare?" I felt like just sitting by the lake and staring at the gentle waves doing nothing. I had barely completed one year of married life by then and the IIM Calcutta campus seemed more romantic than academic to me at that point in time.

In the first year of marriage, as far as my experience goes everything seemed so rosy , carefree and devoid of any responsibility. Just as I was touring the campus , I noticed this statement written " Perpetual giving up is the eternal truth of life" . It was a statement made by Ravindranath Tagore.

Perpetual giving up, what is that? Giving up all the rat race to lead a peaceful life, giving up money , what was that? But yeah we were on a vacation then and I did want to imagine or think of more profound thoughts. Hence we just clicked a pic there and left.

Our daughter was born in 2015. I believe nobody is trained to be a parent, we all figure it out alongside that journey obviously with help from parents, elders and friends. From being DINK ( Double Income No Kids) couple we became DISK( Double Income Single Kid) couple. Parenthood adds another dimension in your relationship as a couple. It involves giving up certain things you did previously because you have a little one to care for. It means giving up on sleep at times, it means trying to maintain your sanity and giving up on your anger. It also means acceptance of the new situation and giving up on the old.

More years of marriage also means giving up on things which you can't change in your partner. It means accepting what is workable.

As I write this, I feel giving up sometimes means peace. How much should you give up? Why should you give up? All this is very person dependent. But you can judge as is mentioned in the book Dear Ijeawele "Because when there is true equality, resentment does not exist".I only know one thing- try this out in your relationship once- give up on low priority disagreements. Try it once. Its hard but it gives peace. Coz " Perpetual giving up is the eternal truth of life" . As I went to IIM Calcutta this year and saw this statement again, I couldn't agree more.

Try giving up once , try being an unconditionally yours for your spouse sometimes. I had read this word unconditionally yours sometime back- in the context of unconditionally being available for someone. Try being that unconditionally yours for your spouse. I am trying that too. Its difficult but hey whats life without any challenge?

- Dhanashree

p.s - this is from my series of posts on  account of my 5th wedding anniversary
the pic is an old pic from 2014
#weddinganniversary #5yearsofmarriedlife
#marriedlife

5 saal baad-- 5th wedding anniversary

Time has this amazing ability of passing fast when looked at in hindsight. 2 days later I complete 5 years of married life or its my 5th wedding anniversary so to say. I still remember the day when my husband had asked me out. It felt too much filmy style when he proposed as he was driving in the midst of the crowded tilak bridge. There were butterflies in my stomach. My friend for the past few years had asked me for marriage. " pyar dosti hain?" I thought. How do I tell this home, I wondered. And now it is more than 5 years since that incident . Looking back at those initial days still makes me feel so much in innocent love, romance and carefree life. The meaning of love has changed over the years. If if meant going out on dinner dates or impromptu long drives then, it means taking turns to change our daughter's diapers now. Parenthood changed the dimensions of our relationship as I think does happen with every couple. A part of us took control of our life, our time. Her innocent smiles and cute hugs brought us more joy than anything else. They still do. While we missed the couple- only time, there were no regrets. We had our sets of challenges though- managing with less sleep in the recent past , managing our daughter along with an equally demanding job and so on. We have fought over who will take turns in brushing her teeth to who will stay awake with her to whose work takes more priority in case one of us needs to be there for her on a work day.

In the past 5 years, we might have not celebrated anniversaries by taking trips or going to 5 star hotels, we might have sometimes not been there to party with each other due to work commitments. But we have always been there with each other during our toughest times. Be it motivating each other to learn new things or thinking of coping strategies to deal with stress or just hearing it out from each other. We have never been short of time in such cases. We have tried to adapt, and still do- to take care of both of our interests.

Ours may not be a perfect relationship , but the underlying feeling of love remains and that is what sails us through. The meaning of love has adapted too -from just going on dates to a much wider meaning. As I come close to my 5th anniversary-I couldn't but help reflect on the past 5 years and think of how we have grown as a couple. Always thinking about how we miss the initial dating days is always written and talked about- but all things have to age. Every stage in a relationship has its own charm and it is up to us to enjoy. With this I end my post and hope for many more years of fun and companionship with my best friend i.e. my husband.

-Dhanashree

Happy Birthday Dhak Dhak Girl- Madhuri

Dedicating a poem to Madhuri Dixit - my all time favorite for her birthday on 15th May

People we grow up seeing, some become our childhood idols
Madhuri is that one actress who remained my favourite overall

The million dollar smile
Or That Graceful dance
Or The flawless acting
I don't know what
Fans worldwide went crazy for the dhak dhak girl dancing

Ek do teen was probably one of the first songs I danced to
And many years later ,my daughter enjoys dancing to that song too
Madhuri's dance is timeless
Her elegance and grace unmatched at best

Giving her "Dil" to the "Beta" of Nene
Went to a faraway land only to comeback with an "Aaja Nachle"
Amchi Marathi mulgi in Bollywood
We always wanted to see you in our marathi world
You made our bucketlist wish come true
Eagerly waiting to watch the "Bucketlist" show

-Dhanashree
* Bucketlist is Madhuri s upcoming Marathi movie

Jab I met- Madhuri Dixit

Latepost on occasion of Madhuri Dixit's birthday on 15th May. I had earlier written(http://dsaidso.blogspot.in/2017/09/blog-post.html) in Marathi about this but translating in English, 

Madhuri is my all-time favorite actress. In my childhood , I loved dancing to her song ek do teen. That was the pre-cable era. Our neighbour aaba would get tezaab VCDs just because I wanted to see Madhuri dance. Whenever Madhuri's dances would be aired on programs like Chayageet, Superhit Muqabla , I would be glued to the TV screen to see Madhuri's dances.

My mum was a manager in Air India. During the shooting of Dil to Pagal Hain, she got to meet Madhuri Dixit at the airport. I remember that time I regretted why I was not at the airport that time and how terrible I felt to have not met her.
My grandma used to jokingly ask me ," Is Madhuri some god? What will you do after meeting her?" She used to find my desire to meet her very stupid I think.

It was 2006 March. After college, I was just reaching Matunga station. I was at the temple outside the station when I felt my phone was vibrating. It was Rani Mavshi calling. She said, " Madhuri is here ,come quickly," I could not believe my ears. I immediately took a taxi to reach Dadar Hindu Colony where Madhuri had come. Madhuri 's grandmother- in- law "Damle Bai" used to stay close to my naani's house. So when Madhuri came , she informed my maasi. I reached hindu colony in 5 mins. Madhuri was there along with husband and her 2 sons. The beautiful face, million dollar smile all was in front of me. I couldn't believe my eyes. I was speechless. I just said " I am your fan" and left in 5 mins. Those days phones with cameras were not as common hence I do not have a pic with her. But it will be there forever in my memory.

-Dhanashree

Gone are the days.....#NaPoWriMo2018 Day28

I was born in the mid 1980s. My todays poetry for NaPoWriMo is a trip back to that memory lane...

Gone are the days when I used to long for a Amul vanilla ice cream

And when going to an IIM was a dream

Gone are the days when I used to sleep in my granny’s lap

And when  I used to talk any nonsense

Gone are the days when I longed for a geometry box

And waited for a Superhit Muqabla favourite song

Gone are the days of a Pepsi cola

And of roohhafza and rol- a- cola

Gone are the days when there were simpler times

When we played songs and sang nursery rhymes 

Those were the days gone are the days

Leaving behind memories and nostalgia stays

-Dhanashree

5 saal baad---

Its been 5 years since I graduated from IIM Bangalore. It was exactly on 1^st April 2013 that I was convocated and 2 weeks back I could see a flood of picture posts on my facebook timeline depicting convocation pictures. It was a throwback in time. I remembered the CAT prep, the congratulatory letter from IIM Bangalore, the first day, the 2 years that went by and the convocation. It felt like everything went by so fast. Lot of people ask me, is the IIM MBA worth it? Is there a return on investment? To this, I have no direct answer. Let me tell you what this MBA taught me or meant to me. I made/met some really amazing friends in IIM Bangalore. People who were not only brilliant in academics, but also excelled in sports, arts or the likes. People who despite all this were humble.  Let me tell you, I am yet to find one dumb student in IIM Bangalore. People who had to repeat a year just had to because the system of relative grading means bottom 5% in  x number of subjects qualifies as fail. But they had some amazing ideas too.

I met people who came from remote villages of India, whose parents were not as economically well off, who came due to their persistence and merit. People who studied in vernacular medium till class 10 but who did extremely well. People who had hardly ventured outside their hometown and college town, but had amazing ideas. IIM brought all these diverse bunch of people together. It made  the world flat for the rich guy and the poor guy, for a city bred guy and a remote village guy  , it gave them an equal chance. It showed merit matters, it is a living example of making it big despite all odds. If anyone feels today whether putting their kid in a smaller school deters their chances for a good degree, I can show you many examples of IIM grads coming from small places.

The faculty was equally amazing. Faculty who despite their global degrees would talk so nicely and mostly devoid of ego. Some of them being on boards of banks etc but will talk to you as a friend when you meet them even now. Extremely well read people who you can have a sensible conversation about almost any topic.

In terms of monetary return of investment, I have no right answer whether IIM gives ROI or not. Because again this answer is time and person dependent. But I am sure , IIM gives a worth to remember experience to everybody. Of meeting and studying with some of the best people in the country who come from varied socio economic backgrounds. This is something to cherish and worth to remember for a lifetime.

And hence I feel , IIM fee increase should be rationalized at some point. It should not deter any meritorious student from pursuing the IIM dream. Because if that happens, IIM would remain a rich man’s dream which would defeat the main purpose of this diverse experience.

With this I end the post..

Cheers to IIM B times!

-Dhanashree

Namaskar to the Maharaja

My mum worked in Air India. She started as a steno and retired as a manager. While she was in air india, we got to go to her office on occasions like dasera Pooja, Air India Officers Association(AIOA) awards for children of staff etc. Air India always holds a special place in heart. Yesterday I got to go for a picnic organised by Air India Retired Employees Association. I felt like I relived all those memories.
Here's my poetry on Namaskar to the Maharaja! - thanking the organisers of the picnic as well as air india

As the red magic carpet rolled on the floor
I entered the airplane through its front door

Where are we going mumma , I asked
Namaskar, Oh you are staff , said the voice and paused

"Fasten ur seat belts" said the voice
This slogan defined my travel start for most of the time

Flight travel was the norm thanks to my mom
Air India took care as it was all along

From steno to manager was my moms air india journey
We got a glimpse of it through ceremonies lot many
Dasera functions, AIOA awards to name a few
Air india made sure families were made a part of employees journey too

As this picnic comes to a close
I can't but help to thank the organisers with a note

Thank you for getting me back all the amazing memories, the flights the functions
What more could I have asked at the new year juncture

*Namaskar- Air India's inflight magazine
Magic Carpet- Air India's internal publication
Maharaja- Air India's mascot

-Dhanashree

Lipstick in my ..?

About 25 years ago, a little girl would search her moms purse for lipsticks. She would try to do it secretly , and no matter how much her mum told her not to take the lipstick, she would take it. One fine day her mum hid all the lipsticks in a secret place.

And today in 2017, the little girl's cute daughter does the same . She searches for her mum's lipsticks too!

The cycle of life repeats-- sometimes you are at the receiving end and sometimes at the giving end:)

P.S. : The little girl 25 yrs ago is now yours truly. She remembers her childhood through her daughter and thinks do times really change?Not sure on that, but roles change for sure.

- Dhanashree