The other day my husband and I were having a general conversation. He made a statement that will linger on my mind for long and I will forever remember that. It was "D, how our personal and professional life shapes up also depends on how hands on we are in raising our kids." What does being hands on parent mean? So I would say how much of parenting you delegate and how much and what you do determines
how much hands on you are. Is it bad to delegate? Absolutely not! In today's world where both spouse's work,some part of parenting will always be delegated. How much is that part and how is the delegation managed is the question.
When I was at home, I would make sure my daughter is fed all meals which are healthy. If there is help and the help doesn't make it as per my style, I will take control and do it. I will spend time with my daughter instead of engaging her in n-number of classes so as to have my free time. This is my parenting style. Now for someone, who wants more free time or is not so concerned about their child's meals, they will not have the mental load of spending time or bothering what their child has eaten. Hence they will always have more time for other pursuits in life either professional or hobbies.
Why is this discussion even relevant? In today's world there are a lot of working women. Parenting brings a lot of changes , more for the mother but also for the fathers. The career progression after parenthood will largely be impacted by how hands on parent you are. I am not talking about impact in a negative sense. The impact will be determined by how hands on you want to be in parenting. Let's say you have a year old child and get an international assignment which might take your career to a different level. If at that point you want to be near your child, you will not get to choose that career path. A lot of people will tell you - " Take that assignment. Kids turn out fine. They are resilient". My question is "How resilient are you?" That is the question we need to ask.
A lot of people are ok with the nanny feeding junk food, showing mobile screen to the kids because they have become dependent on her. Even if I were dependent, I will find a replacement to her. Someone else might say, " Our kids grew up eating biscuits and nothing bad happened" My point is good kids are not necessarily an outcome of good parenting and bad kids are not necessarily an outcome of bad parenting. You can always post facto rationalize your parenting style. But if you truly want good for your kid, you will do what good means to your conscience.
For someone, leaving a 9 month old behind with family for a trip might not be a big deal . For someone else it might be. Kids will grow up fine ,because just as parents don't have choice of how their kids turn out, kids don't have choice how their parents are.
Hence the next time someone tells you why don't you do this -some xyz baby turned out fine- tell them your hands-on parenting quotient is different from theirs or wait ignore them and tell this to yourself.
#dsaidso
#mydaughtermyteacher
#parenting
