National Girl Child Day

Our little 'S' sleeps late in night. The other day both of us were really tired and wanted her to sleep asap. So my husband told her a story. The story had a character named "Kartar Singh".

So he told our little S, "If you stay awake beyond 12 , Kartar Singh will put me in jail. Kartar Singh takes to jail dads of all those girls who stay awake beyond 12"

S- But Dad, doesn't Kartar Singh have a daughter too? She must not be sleeping too. So if she doesn't sleep, will he go to jail too leaving his daughter behind? No right? So he will not put you in jail too.

Again a 3.5 year old has a sense of justice and fairness. The thought process is so logical.She truly understands the meaning of "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you".

If we treat daughters as human beings on the same terms as sons,
If we realise that some other girl there is someone else's daughter too
And she deserves to be treated atleast as equally as your daughter too
The world would see more equality and peace

-Dhanashree

#nationalgirlchildday
#mydaughterismyteacher
#equality
#dsaidso

The parenting DCP

A conversation between a mom of a 4 year old girl and and an aunty. Let's call them mom and aunty respectively. Let the 4 year old girl be called as the little one( LO) .The mom is a stay at home mom. Aunty is a retired teacher. The 4 year old studies in one of the hi-fi international schools. So now that the context is set, here goes the conversation

Aunty- So which school does she go to?

Mom- She just started going to Jr. K.G. But you know what, I homeschooled her for. 2 years before that?

( me thinks- homeschooling before 4 , what's that?)

Aunty- Oh wow, how did you do that?

Mom-  I researched, I read a lot of books, I took her out to play. You know homeschooling is not just about sitting at home. Its also about taking kids out, giving     them the right exposure. When I came to Mumbai from Delhi, most people scared me that my daughter will not have social skills as she has not gone to play school. But you know I had worked on that. So I was confident she will do well.

Aunty-  That's really nice to know.  What stories do you read out to her?

Mom-  I read those good night stories for rebel girls . I have already finished one book. Earlier I read Cinderella but I realized that fairy tales and all is too unrealistic. Hence I have stopped. You see she knows so much about them.
(She is now pointing to her daughter and indicating her to show her intelligence maybe)

LO- I love Cinderella

Mom- oh you know so many other stories, don't you? And aunty you know what I have restricted her screen time too. We have set time for the day which is divided into intervals of 10 mins.

( And the conversation continues.......)

What do you infer from the conversation above? A super mom talking? Or a retired teacher listening?

All I infer is a lady who is trying to prove what she does for her kid to others. There is some much 'I' in the conversation above trying to prove supermom skills. Right exposure is a word I hear too much these days. I do xyz for my kid to make him/her smart and all rounder is also heard quite often nowadays.

All I wish to ask is, did the parents themselves do as many things as they expect the kids to do?
Also If the kid is smart, the results will show. As a parent, you do not constantly talk about your absolutely awesome parenting skills. For god's sake, parenting is not a competition and at least for me such conversations to put in IIM lingo seem like parenting DCP( desperate class participation)

#yeh_aaj_kal_ke_parents

-Dhanashree

The 'right' age

What is the right age to become a mother?There are scientific studies that demonstrate fertility declines as you age. Statistical correlations between career growth and age of motherhood might point something. All I know is correlation is not necessarily equal to causation. I remember Indra Nooyi saying sometime, "For a woman her biological clock and career clock will always be in conflict".

I remember a few people suggesting how a career woman should not have a child before 30. That you should first settle a bit into your career and then think of starting a family. That before 30 is simply not the right age to start a family and aspire to have a career at the same time.
There are people from my parents generation who feel the earlier you have kids, the better.

A lot of people say they like kids. Liking kids is not a sufficient condition for having your own child. Playing with someone else's child for 2 hours versus raising your own child for the entire day is an entirely different ballgame. That said, you can never be fully aware of what childcare entails until your own little one is born. So when is the right time to have a child?
According to me, when you are emotionally and financially ready to have a child, that is the right age. You can never be 100% sure of that, but should be reasonably sure.

What about the other case - what if you don't want to have a child at all? And there are hundreds others who tell you how foolish it is not to have one. Frankly I have not been in that situation. All I know is , social pressure can never be the reason to change the decision regarding having a child. Because when you decide to have a child, you and your spouse will be the primary caregiver for the child. Hence if you do not want a child, no social pressure should affect your decision.

My daughter was born in May 2015. My life completely changed after that. My clock and my timing was no longer mine. When she was born, my doctor told me, "You have to feed her every 2 hours. When she sleeps, you sleep. When she wakes up, you wake up" . For someone who was used to adequate and fixed sleep routine, this was a big change.

My daughter will turn 4 soon. Time has passed really fast. Every single day she hugs me tight and tells me I am her favourite. It feels awesome, a top of the world feeling.

But then there are other days, days when she falls sick. Days when her fever doesn't subside. Days when she's unwell and you have a very important deadline in office. Days when you don't know if you are giving proper attention to work and home both.
Days when you come and doubt yourself , was the age of 27-28 the right age to have a child? Days of frustration when you feel nothing is working out.

Over the past 4 years, I have given up many work related and personal travel opportunities. I have missed meeting many friends. Whether every new mom needs to do that , its her priority and choice. I did.

But I did all what I could when I was with my daughter. I have told her stories. I have played like a child with her. I have learnt to see through a child's inquisitive lens. My daughter is as much my teacher as I am hers. She inspires me to write. Her energy inspires me to do a lot more than I can imagine.

I still don't know if I myself had my daughter at the right age. I have penned down stuff basis what I read, heard and experienced.  In hindsight a lot of stuff can be post facto rationalised to suit the motherhood at right age or against the right age argument. But hindsight doesn't matter. All that matters is when you are financially and emotionally ready for having a child that's the right age for motherhood. And damm the world if they think  that isn't the right age. For someone may be ready for motherhood at 25 and someone else at 35.

-Dhanashree

The Good Samaritan

Last week I went to INOX Nakshatra, Dadar to book tickets for the marathi movie Bhai- Vyakti ki valli. I had 2 movie vouchers which could be redeemed for movie tickets. I handed those two vouchers at the counter. The fellow at the counter handed me my tickets and I left. Just as I reached home, I realized that one voucher was enough to cover the cost of 2 tickets. There was no need to give 2 vouchers.

I called up INOX Nakshatra to explain them my situation and to check if there was any way I could get one voucher back. The person on the phone told me he will check and get back to me on my mobile number.
He called me back within 10 minutes, told me he's got the one extra voucher . He kept it in a envelope with the security. He told me to tell the security his name( Deepak Gaikwad) and collect the envelope back when I can. In the evening the envelope was readily available with the security.

In an age where big companies  pay attention only when you tweet the complaint on twitter, this prompt action by Deepak Gaikwad restores some of my faith in good natured and helping people.

-Dhanashree
#dsaidso

My fashionista

आमच्या घरी जणू काही रोज फॅशन  शो चालू असतो. माझी लेक स्वरा रोज छान छान बाहेर घालायचे frill  चे  frock, चनिया चोळी असे कपडे घरी घालून असते. आज तर तिने पॅन्ट वर चनिया चोळी चा backless ब्लाऊज घातला होता.

" अगं स्वरा backless का  घातला आहेस? ठंडी नाही वाजत का?" अस मी विचारलं.

" अगं ओरडते कशाला? बोलून उपयोग काय.. ऐकणारे कुठे मी.. ऐकेल तर ती स्वरा कुठली" मला माझी साडे तीन वर्षांची लेक म्हणाली‌

मी थक्क होऊन गप्प आहे. ...

Translating in English..

There is like a fashion show going on in my house daily. My 3.5 year old daughter wears the finest of frill frocks, chaniya cholis day long at home. Today when I reached home , I saw her wearing a backless chaniya choli blouse and pant.

" Why are you wearing backless..Its cold na.." I said angrily..

" Why are you shouting? What's the use? Am I going to even listen?If I listen, how can I be swara even" my 3.5 year old daughter said.

I was stunned and shut up.

God knows, what's in store next.

Bhagwan , meri Raksha Karna!

-Dhanashree
#dsaidso

Aamchi aai tumchi aai veermata jijabai

"Aamchi aai tumchi aai veermata jijabai" is a slogan every VJTI'an chants sometime in his life. VJTI i.e Veermata Jijabai Technological Institute is my alma mater for engineering. But before it became my college, it was my dad's college too. It is the place from where my dad did his engineering too.

This degree gave my dad the academic engineering foundation as well his bread and butter. My dad came to Mumbai with hardly any money in hand but this degree provided him the job to progress in life. Due to this( and my mom's job too), I never had to struggle for basic necessities in life. I had the freedom to pursue my career without worrying about economic necessities.

VJTI is also the reason I met a good friend and now my husband, my life partner.
Before I knew what was IIM, I aspired to study from VJTI as my dad studied from there. Fortunately , I was able to and am grateful to VJTI for the wonderful foundation it provided me.

VJTI for me is truly like my aai, who gave me a lot and my previous generation without expecting anything in return. I am, and will always be , indebted to VJTI for this!

Just wrote this as it crossed my mind as I attended the VJTI alumni meet this Sunday. Ending it again by saying "Aamchi aai, tumchi aai veermata jijabai"

-Dhanashree
P.S in the pic, siddheshs batch is wrongly mentioned as 2008 instead of 2007. apart from us, my dad, my brother, sister in law and father in law are also VJTI alums