EQUAL, yet DIFFERENT - Book Review

 Do you want to draw from the collective experience of career women across experience levels, industries and varied backgrounds? Are you a working mom struggling with the guilt of not spending enough time with the child? Are you on a career break thinking that you are lagging back on your career and don’t know what to do?Are you husband to a career woman and want her to rise to her highest potential ( self -actualization as mentioned in Maslow’s theory). Are you a policy maker making policies to promote equality? Are you a colleague of a career woman – which I assume of most of us are? If you are any of the above – Anita Bhogle’s “Equal Yet Different” is a must read. The is a must read for all career women, their families and the professionals that they work with. The books talks about women dreaming aloud, investing in yourself , managing guilt, having enablers ,managing new ways of working especially WFH, the diversity agenda and developing the equality mindset

The book starts with defining how women are equal yet different from men. It talks of the winning triangle which is the combination of ability , attitude and passion that determines success. For women, it says this triangle isn’t enough , there is one more angle about the choices she makes. One of the single most decisions that decides how a woman’s life will turn out is the choice of the spouse. I liked the term coined by Rama Bijapurkar of a gender liberal spouse. Anita says , developing the equality mindset is important right from home.

Quoting from an example from Falguni Nayar, Anita says “The ability to say  NO can be a huge asset for a busy professional woman who needs to use her time wisely. “ I couldn’t agree more with this statement. Raising two kids along with our full time jobs has meant I say no to a lot of get togethers, picnics etc. I ruthlessly prioritize and as Falguni says “setting the right expectations at both home and work is important.”

Talking about careers , the book says - Planning one’s career is more important than just moving from one role to other. If you are serious about your career, you need to actively take charge of it

It is said that women don’t negotiate as much as men. The book says - Some women ascribe the reluctance to negotiate to women’s fear that acting tough during the interview could potentially diminish her chances to get a concession- should she require flexibility in working hours, change in role etc. 

One of the toughest times in my career was when I had my kids. How would I manage , will the kid stay without me all those thoughts crossed my mind. In my case, I could manage my career due to the tremendous support of my parents in childcare . Did I still face guilt? Yes – I did and still do question myself if I am good mother, good professional. Anita says- “There is no escaping guilt. Being clear about your priorities and accepting the choices that follow make it easier to manage the guilt.”

Given that Covid 19 changed the way we work, Anita says its quite important  to recreate office environment at home if you are planning to work from home.

A working woman invariably needs a village to manage the household. Who are your allies and enablers? Who is your core and backup crew to handle emergencies?How can you use technology to make your life efficient? Knowing the answers to these questions is very important

 

The points  and questions in the pause section are an important source of reflection and self awareness.  I , for myself, am going to think about and write down answers to each and reflect on them periodically to track my progress. Some of the questions worth definitely thinking over deeply and periodically are -

If you are hoping to go to the next level at work what are the top two things that you will need to work on . How will you go about achieving that?

Do you have a career path or a long term goal in mind?

Have you proactively sought out career opportunities?

Think of a situation where you allowed guilt to get the better of you. Is there any way you could have prevented it?

Identify male and female buddies or mentors who can support you in fulfilling your dreams

Do you behave like an equal at home and work? Do you practice and encourage equality with your children and colleagues?

It is a book worth reading multiple times periodically. Each time you read, you will learn something new simply because you will relate to the content in a newer context.

Balance for better

#BalanceforBetter

Reena was in an office meeting. Her husband Mahesh was supposed to pickup kids from daycare that day.
 Suddenly her phone vibrated , "Mahesh calling" it was.
She cut the call .
 "Please chat" , she whatsapped him.
 " Can you please leave early and pickup Sia from daycare?" he whatsapped.

This had happened many times before. Sometimes when it was his turn of picking up kids from daycare, he would be stuck in office and message Reena on similar lines
Reena was tired of all this. She was fedup of making constant adjustments to her schedule. She felt she was neither doing justice to her job or her family life. She just thought she should call it quits.

There are many such Reena's in the society.
Women who are financially independent but willing to give up that due to seemingly trivial yet constant issues like this.

Isn't the child equal responsibility of the father as well? Would he have liked if Reena asked him to pickup from daycare when it was actually Reena's turn to do so?
Men need to understand that their wife's job is as important as theirs. Many argue that the wife is not earning much hence why does she need to work. A job is not just a source of income for a woman, it is a source of dignity, financial independence and a lot more.

Also what can we as a society do to prevent such Reena's from giving up?
Obviously systems, infrastructure etc can improve. Those are long term solutions.
In the short term, you can if possible
- Offer to pickup a friends kid if she needs help
- Offer to babysit a neighbour's kid for a couple of hours
- Connect friends to any parenting groups that they can derive support from

These are just some of the ways we can help mothers when they are stuck in situations. These are not permanent or scalable solutions. But they offer a lot of hope and a fallback option to mothers. That there is someone to depend on, even if it is for a few occasions gives a lot of courage.

And yes last but not the least, we can raise our sons better and educate them that men and women are equal.
Change begins at home..Ask the men to #sharetheload .#balanceforbetter starts by helping women balance their career and family.

This is the month of Woman's day. On this month lets make a pledge for #balanceforbetter by striving to help women in whatever way we can.

-Dhanashree

• #balanceforbetter #sharetheload #womensday #internationalwomensday

"Inclusion" in the real sense

In Nov 2014, just before Accenture's deciding recruitment interview, my husband said," There is no way Accenture can recruit you when you are 4 months pregnant!" But I prepared well and gave my best shot at the Interview. At the end of the interview, I considered it my professional duty to tell the Interviewer(Arup Sinha- my practice head) that I am pregnant, and I was expecting disappointment on his face. Instead, he came up with a reaction that got imprinted in my head as a symbol of Accenture's core values. He said "Accenture respects women at the workplace and your current physical condition will have no bearing whether we make you an offer or not" And 48 hrs later,
I got the offer.

I had written the following poetry for my experience during the Accenture recruitment process.. Sharing it with you all!

Mid of November 2014 it was
A professional and a to be mother got a call

"We are from Accenture " said the voice
"Can you come for a discussion tomorrow" make your choice

" Why will they recruit a pregnant me? " said my inner voice
"Do not think negative" said my hubby and rejoiced

Suited , booted and ready for the day
Went for the discussion , entered from the doorway

Risk management talks took the time
The lively discussion had no downtime

"We will let you know the outcome" said Arup
"I want to let you know I am pregnant " said my anxious voice

"We do not discriminate, merit only matters" Arup reassured
2 days later, I got my offer and was rest assured

Diversity and inclusion are not only lip-service
"Actions speak louder than words" is the real deal

Accenture walked the talk is the real thing
Work and family , you can manage everything

-Dhanashree

A little ambitious girl!

Nirmala Sitharaman became India's woman defence minister. Don't know if we really need to know if the defence minister is a man or a woman. Don't know if woman being a defence minister in 21st century is a sign of progress or lots to do. All I know is even in 21st century there are women who have to answer the question" how will you manage both home and work?"

Penning a poetry of a little ambitious girl who aimed for an equal world and was fraught with different experiences.

Not so long ago, a baby was born
Adored by everyone, she was her parents' first-born

Slowly school started , books came along
What will she do, will she be Neil Armstrong?

"I am a free bird", said the girl carefree
Learning is a journey, let me play the spelling bee

Girl or boy, doesn't matter at all
You can achieve anything big or small

She topped her college, praises came along
"Proud of you girl, please be strong"

A few years later, Prince Charming came along
Promised to stay with her lifelong

"Working or homemaker " make a choice,
"I can do both" said her strong voice

The married girl had a baby
Soon her schedules became crazy
"Who will be the caregiver" asked a nosy Aunty
"Will you quit your job?" asked another Monty

Have we progressed? , wondered the new mommy
Whom do I lean on, was the question haunting

Some questions have no answers, assured her sister,
No matter what happens, she promised to make this world more equal for her daughter

-Dhanashree