On becoming a wife...

For the first 26 years of my life, I was only the daughter of my parents. May 27 2013 formally added a new relationship in my life- I got married and became my husband's wife( Majhya Navryachi Bayko- in the current marathi serial style if I may say). As our hindi movies have sadly depicted it- " Ladki to paraya dhan hoti hain" , so on 27 May 2013 , the " paraya dhan" was given away so to say. What did my family give away or what was that "dhan"?

Was it the endless times that my family sacrificed their personal "me" priorities just for me?

Was it the learning ability they built in me over the years by investing their significant time and effort in me?

Was it the amazing time I had during summer vacations that we were not sent to summer camps because caregivers at home needed a few hours off without getting the blame of sending the child to a creche?

Was it the confidence that they built in me over years by being there with me in my toughest times?

The list can go on....and is probably endless. The list of "dhan" or this wealth of upbringing is endless. But let me cut it short here.My point is when a girl gets married, parents just don't send a girl to another house, they send years of raising a confident young lady who can set up a family. They have probably taken as much efforts or even more to raise her as compared to a boy.So let marriage be a symbol of pride to the girls family - to have raised a superwoman.

I feel I was blessed to have a royal childhood surrounded by people who cared for me. When people say they like my writings, it is my childhood village at work who still motivates me. Hence though becoming a wife has added new relationships to my life but the power and the attachment of my older relations has only grown.

Dedicated to all girls and their parents and extended families....

#weddinganniversary #marriedlife #5yearsofmarriedlife #reflections #majhyanavryachibayko

-Dhanashree

Of giving up..

In 2014, I had the opportunity to visit my husband's alma mater IIM Calcutta for the first time. As soon as I entered the campus, I could sense a feeling of "chill". The same might not be felt by the students but as a visitor visting a campus which has 7 lakes and gentle breeze overflowing , I felt at peace. I remembered William Wordsworth saying - " What is this life if full of care, we have no time to stand and stare?" I felt like just sitting by the lake and staring at the gentle waves doing nothing. I had barely completed one year of married life by then and the IIM Calcutta campus seemed more romantic than academic to me at that point in time.

In the first year of marriage, as far as my experience goes everything seemed so rosy , carefree and devoid of any responsibility. Just as I was touring the campus , I noticed this statement written " Perpetual giving up is the eternal truth of life" . It was a statement made by Ravindranath Tagore.

Perpetual giving up, what is that? Giving up all the rat race to lead a peaceful life, giving up money , what was that? But yeah we were on a vacation then and I did want to imagine or think of more profound thoughts. Hence we just clicked a pic there and left.

Our daughter was born in 2015. I believe nobody is trained to be a parent, we all figure it out alongside that journey obviously with help from parents, elders and friends. From being DINK ( Double Income No Kids) couple we became DISK( Double Income Single Kid) couple. Parenthood adds another dimension in your relationship as a couple. It involves giving up certain things you did previously because you have a little one to care for. It means giving up on sleep at times, it means trying to maintain your sanity and giving up on your anger. It also means acceptance of the new situation and giving up on the old.

More years of marriage also means giving up on things which you can't change in your partner. It means accepting what is workable.

As I write this, I feel giving up sometimes means peace. How much should you give up? Why should you give up? All this is very person dependent. But you can judge as is mentioned in the book Dear Ijeawele "Because when there is true equality, resentment does not exist".I only know one thing- try this out in your relationship once- give up on low priority disagreements. Try it once. Its hard but it gives peace. Coz " Perpetual giving up is the eternal truth of life" . As I went to IIM Calcutta this year and saw this statement again, I couldn't agree more.

Try giving up once , try being an unconditionally yours for your spouse sometimes. I had read this word unconditionally yours sometime back- in the context of unconditionally being available for someone. Try being that unconditionally yours for your spouse. I am trying that too. Its difficult but hey whats life without any challenge?

- Dhanashree

p.s - this is from my series of posts on  account of my 5th wedding anniversary
the pic is an old pic from 2014
#weddinganniversary #5yearsofmarriedlife
#marriedlife

5 saal baad-- 5th wedding anniversary

Time has this amazing ability of passing fast when looked at in hindsight. 2 days later I complete 5 years of married life or its my 5th wedding anniversary so to say. I still remember the day when my husband had asked me out. It felt too much filmy style when he proposed as he was driving in the midst of the crowded tilak bridge. There were butterflies in my stomach. My friend for the past few years had asked me for marriage. " pyar dosti hain?" I thought. How do I tell this home, I wondered. And now it is more than 5 years since that incident . Looking back at those initial days still makes me feel so much in innocent love, romance and carefree life. The meaning of love has changed over the years. If if meant going out on dinner dates or impromptu long drives then, it means taking turns to change our daughter's diapers now. Parenthood changed the dimensions of our relationship as I think does happen with every couple. A part of us took control of our life, our time. Her innocent smiles and cute hugs brought us more joy than anything else. They still do. While we missed the couple- only time, there were no regrets. We had our sets of challenges though- managing with less sleep in the recent past , managing our daughter along with an equally demanding job and so on. We have fought over who will take turns in brushing her teeth to who will stay awake with her to whose work takes more priority in case one of us needs to be there for her on a work day.

In the past 5 years, we might have not celebrated anniversaries by taking trips or going to 5 star hotels, we might have sometimes not been there to party with each other due to work commitments. But we have always been there with each other during our toughest times. Be it motivating each other to learn new things or thinking of coping strategies to deal with stress or just hearing it out from each other. We have never been short of time in such cases. We have tried to adapt, and still do- to take care of both of our interests.

Ours may not be a perfect relationship , but the underlying feeling of love remains and that is what sails us through. The meaning of love has adapted too -from just going on dates to a much wider meaning. As I come close to my 5th anniversary-I couldn't but help reflect on the past 5 years and think of how we have grown as a couple. Always thinking about how we miss the initial dating days is always written and talked about- but all things have to age. Every stage in a relationship has its own charm and it is up to us to enjoy. With this I end my post and hope for many more years of fun and companionship with my best friend i.e. my husband.

-Dhanashree

Happy Birthday Dhak Dhak Girl- Madhuri

Dedicating a poem to Madhuri Dixit - my all time favorite for her birthday on 15th May

People we grow up seeing, some become our childhood idols
Madhuri is that one actress who remained my favourite overall

The million dollar smile
Or That Graceful dance
Or The flawless acting
I don't know what
Fans worldwide went crazy for the dhak dhak girl dancing

Ek do teen was probably one of the first songs I danced to
And many years later ,my daughter enjoys dancing to that song too
Madhuri's dance is timeless
Her elegance and grace unmatched at best

Giving her "Dil" to the "Beta" of Nene
Went to a faraway land only to comeback with an "Aaja Nachle"
Amchi Marathi mulgi in Bollywood
We always wanted to see you in our marathi world
You made our bucketlist wish come true
Eagerly waiting to watch the "Bucketlist" show

-Dhanashree
* Bucketlist is Madhuri s upcoming Marathi movie

Jab I met- Madhuri Dixit

Latepost on occasion of Madhuri Dixit's birthday on 15th May. I had earlier written(http://dsaidso.blogspot.in/2017/09/blog-post.html) in Marathi about this but translating in English, 

Madhuri is my all-time favorite actress. In my childhood , I loved dancing to her song ek do teen. That was the pre-cable era. Our neighbour aaba would get tezaab VCDs just because I wanted to see Madhuri dance. Whenever Madhuri's dances would be aired on programs like Chayageet, Superhit Muqabla , I would be glued to the TV screen to see Madhuri's dances.

My mum was a manager in Air India. During the shooting of Dil to Pagal Hain, she got to meet Madhuri Dixit at the airport. I remember that time I regretted why I was not at the airport that time and how terrible I felt to have not met her.
My grandma used to jokingly ask me ," Is Madhuri some god? What will you do after meeting her?" She used to find my desire to meet her very stupid I think.

It was 2006 March. After college, I was just reaching Matunga station. I was at the temple outside the station when I felt my phone was vibrating. It was Rani Mavshi calling. She said, " Madhuri is here ,come quickly," I could not believe my ears. I immediately took a taxi to reach Dadar Hindu Colony where Madhuri had come. Madhuri 's grandmother- in- law "Damle Bai" used to stay close to my naani's house. So when Madhuri came , she informed my maasi. I reached hindu colony in 5 mins. Madhuri was there along with husband and her 2 sons. The beautiful face, million dollar smile all was in front of me. I couldn't believe my eyes. I was speechless. I just said " I am your fan" and left in 5 mins. Those days phones with cameras were not as common hence I do not have a pic with her. But it will be there forever in my memory.

-Dhanashree

Congratulatory poetry

A poem wishing congratulations to a friends daughter on her Class 10 results. She scored 93% , but she wanted slightly more. A poem congratulating her as well tell her not be unhappy about 1-2% here and there but take it in the right perspective.

Congratulations and celebrations Sami
Your first academic milestone deserves praises many

Moment to celebrate, thank your parents teachers and family
All that effort was finally worth it, cherish this moment for days many

Also time to think what went right
For more often than not, we do not analyse success
It deserves some thinking too , for you need to repeat the success formula in future life too

Something might have got wrong
Maybe you got 93 instead of 95
But hey life's not perfect
We can strive to be perfect
Aim for 95 while being happy with 93
Seek the right balance between challenge and complacency
Take small achievable steps nothing fancy

You have a long career waiting ahead
This is just the start
Continue the momentum ahead
While enjoying life with its full spread

Congratulations !!
-Dhanashree

बाम काका- आठवणी

क्रीडा मानसतज्ञ कै भीष्मराज बाम यांच्या प्रथम स्मृतिदिनानिमित्त  काही आठवणी . ते माझ्या आजीच्या बिल्डिंगमध्ये राहायचे.

“आपल्या वरती पोलीस राहतात ना  ते आता येणार आहेत आपल्याकडे " माझी मावशी  मला म्हणाली. मी तेव्हा दुसरीत होते. त्यावेळी मनात पोलिसांची प्रतिमा म्हणजे काय - तर शेवाळी युनिफॉर्म,  धिप्पाड बांधा , मोठी मिशी,मोठे डोळे  अशी होती. थोडक्यात काय तर थोडीशी भितीदायक प्रतिमाच होती . त्यामुळे त्यांना भेटणे टाळायचे म्हणून  मी आतल्या बेडरूम मध्ये जाऊन बसले. "अगं बाम साहेब आले आहेत ग, बाहेर ये सोन्या" असं माझी मावशी म्हणाली. मला बाहेर जायचं नव्हतं. म्हणून मी  आतच बसून होते. बघते तर काय, मी बाहेर येत नाही म्हणून बाम काका आत आले. अशा प्रसन्न निर्मळ चेहऱ्याचे पोलीस असतात हे मला तेव्हा पहिल्यांदाच कळलं . खरं सांगायचं तर दिसण्यावर तसं काहीच नसतं , पण लहान वयात प्रथमदर्शनी जर कोणाची थोडी भितीदायक प्रतिमा झाली की त्या माणसाकडे जायला भिती वाटते एवढंच . बाम काका आणि काकी त्यादिवशी माझ्याशी अगदी आपुलकीने बोलले. तेव्हापासून आपल्या आजीच्या बिल्डिंगमध्ये पोलीस राहतात याची भिती वाटण्यापेक्षा, अभिमान वाटला . बाम काका IPS Officer होते. निवृत्त होताना ते IGP - Inspector General of Police म्हणून निवृत्त झाले. ते एवढ्या मोठ्या पदावर होते याची त्यांनी कधीही जाणीव करून दिली नाही. आम्हाला ते माहित होतं , पण त्यांनी त्यांच्या  वागण्यातून ते आम्हाला कधीच जाणवलं  नाही. नुसतं त्यांच्या नाही , तर बाम काकींच्या किंवा त्यांच्या मुलांच्या वागण्यातून, बोलण्यातून ते आम्हाला कधीच जाणवलं  नाही. अगदी down to earth वागणूक होती त्या सगळ्यांची .
एकदा माझी मावशी त्यांच्याकडे गेली होती, तेव्हा तिने बघितलं  की सचिन तेंडुलकर आला होता त्यांच्याकडे . त्यानंतर आम्हाला कळलं की ते एक प्रख्यात sports psychologist आहेत. त्यांच्याकडे  मोठमोठे  खेळाडू Counselling साठी यायचे. राहुल द्रविड, सचिन तेंडुलकर, अंजली वेदपाठक आणि असे अनेक. नुसते खेळाडू  नाही तर मोठमोठे surgeon मोठं ऑपेरेशन करण्याच्याआधी त्यांच्याकडे counselling साठी यायचे. मी स्वतः सुद्धा त्यांच्याकडे MBA प्रवेश परीक्षेच्याआधी मार्गदर्शनासाठी गेले होते. ते yoga , प्राणायाम करण्यावर खूप भर द्यायचे. tennis /badminton असा एखादा प्रत्येक shot ला decision making लागणारा खेळ खेळावा असं ते म्हणायचे. शिकत असताना त्यांना बऱ्याच वेळा भेटण्याचा योग्य आला. तेव्हा ते निवृत्त झाले होते आणि  निवृत्तीनंतर ते नाशिकला राहायला गेले. तरी त्यांचं मुंबईला बऱ्यापैकी येणं- जाणं होतं . आम्हाला त्यांनी नाशिकला येण्याचं बऱ्याचदा आग्रहाने निमंत्रण दिलं होतं . तिथे त्यांचा व्याप बराच मोठा होता . IAS साठी तयारी करण्याचं मार्गदर्शन करायचं , लेक्चर , counselling हे सगळं चालूच होतं . तरीही जेव्हा ते मुंबईला यायचे तेव्हा माझ्या मावशीला " राणी कशी आहेस" असं विचारल्याशिवाय जायचेच नाहीत. माझ्या मावशीला त्यांचा खूप आधार वाटायचा .

गेल्यावर्षी बाम काकांचं लेक्चर   मध्ये असताना निधन झालं . आपली आवडती गोष्ट  करतानाच त्यांची प्राणज्योत मावळली . गेल्यावर्षी ही  बातमी ऐकल्यावर खूप वाईट वाटलं. आधी विश्वासच बसत नव्हता. आज त्या गोष्टीला एक वर्ष झालयं. त्यानिमित्ताने हे लिहावंसं वाटलं . बाम काका एवढ्या मोठ्या पदावर होते ह्याच्यापेक्षा त्यांच्या  वागणुकीमुळे ते आम्हाला सदैव लक्षात राहतील. माणसाची किंमत त्याच्या श्रीमंतीमुळे, मोठ्या घरामुळे किंवा अजून कशामुळे नसून त्याच्या माणुसकीमुळेच ठरते. निदान माझ्यासाठी तरी!