EQUAL, yet DIFFERENT - Book Review

 Do you want to draw from the collective experience of career women across experience levels, industries and varied backgrounds? Are you a working mom struggling with the guilt of not spending enough time with the child? Are you on a career break thinking that you are lagging back on your career and don’t know what to do?Are you husband to a career woman and want her to rise to her highest potential ( self -actualization as mentioned in Maslow’s theory). Are you a policy maker making policies to promote equality? Are you a colleague of a career woman – which I assume of most of us are? If you are any of the above – Anita Bhogle’s “Equal Yet Different” is a must read. The is a must read for all career women, their families and the professionals that they work with. The books talks about women dreaming aloud, investing in yourself , managing guilt, having enablers ,managing new ways of working especially WFH, the diversity agenda and developing the equality mindset

The book starts with defining how women are equal yet different from men. It talks of the winning triangle which is the combination of ability , attitude and passion that determines success. For women, it says this triangle isn’t enough , there is one more angle about the choices she makes. One of the single most decisions that decides how a woman’s life will turn out is the choice of the spouse. I liked the term coined by Rama Bijapurkar of a gender liberal spouse. Anita says , developing the equality mindset is important right from home.

Quoting from an example from Falguni Nayar, Anita says “The ability to say  NO can be a huge asset for a busy professional woman who needs to use her time wisely. “ I couldn’t agree more with this statement. Raising two kids along with our full time jobs has meant I say no to a lot of get togethers, picnics etc. I ruthlessly prioritize and as Falguni says “setting the right expectations at both home and work is important.”

Talking about careers , the book says - Planning one’s career is more important than just moving from one role to other. If you are serious about your career, you need to actively take charge of it

It is said that women don’t negotiate as much as men. The book says - Some women ascribe the reluctance to negotiate to women’s fear that acting tough during the interview could potentially diminish her chances to get a concession- should she require flexibility in working hours, change in role etc. 

One of the toughest times in my career was when I had my kids. How would I manage , will the kid stay without me all those thoughts crossed my mind. In my case, I could manage my career due to the tremendous support of my parents in childcare . Did I still face guilt? Yes – I did and still do question myself if I am good mother, good professional. Anita says- “There is no escaping guilt. Being clear about your priorities and accepting the choices that follow make it easier to manage the guilt.”

Given that Covid 19 changed the way we work, Anita says its quite important  to recreate office environment at home if you are planning to work from home.

A working woman invariably needs a village to manage the household. Who are your allies and enablers? Who is your core and backup crew to handle emergencies?How can you use technology to make your life efficient? Knowing the answers to these questions is very important

 

The points  and questions in the pause section are an important source of reflection and self awareness.  I , for myself, am going to think about and write down answers to each and reflect on them periodically to track my progress. Some of the questions worth definitely thinking over deeply and periodically are -

If you are hoping to go to the next level at work what are the top two things that you will need to work on . How will you go about achieving that?

Do you have a career path or a long term goal in mind?

Have you proactively sought out career opportunities?

Think of a situation where you allowed guilt to get the better of you. Is there any way you could have prevented it?

Identify male and female buddies or mentors who can support you in fulfilling your dreams

Do you behave like an equal at home and work? Do you practice and encourage equality with your children and colleagues?

It is a book worth reading multiple times periodically. Each time you read, you will learn something new simply because you will relate to the content in a newer context.

Paay lagu....

A few weeks ago, Narayan Murty touched the feet of Ratan Tata and it became a news. It was considered as a sign of humility by the Infosys founder. In Hindu tradition, touching the feet of elders is considered as a good thing. The way I grew up, we touched elders feet during festivals and maybe before important events like exams . But I don't remember it was compulsory or doing it regularly.

As I grew up, I realised this touching of feet was a very strong symbol of showing respect. Irrespective of whether you respect the person or not , if you touch his/her feet , you are 'sanskaari' . Especially if you are a girl, you are sanskaari "bahu" or "beti". Worse , if you dont do so, you might be labelled as non sanskaari.I know a friend who did not even bother when her mum was sick and went on a trip. But publicly she would always touch her mum's feet. Even at the risk of not knowing the exact equations between the two, if she did not bother about her mum , why did she need to show that paay lagu mummy every single time? To show...to show the great Indian family is all about care and respect. In an Instagram world , where life is measured by pictures, paay lagu is a sanskaari picture. It is still a very strong symbol of respect without much effort.
I remember once , my daughter had asked me , why do we touch feet , should I touch feet everytime? I told her to behave nicely to people. Touching feet comes later and is optional. That's my sanskaar to my daughter, I don't care if she appears sanskaari or non sanskaari to the world.

-Dhanashree

"Inclusion" in the real sense

In Nov 2014, just before Accenture's deciding recruitment interview, my husband said," There is no way Accenture can recruit you when you are 4 months pregnant!" But I prepared well and gave my best shot at the Interview. At the end of the interview, I considered it my professional duty to tell the Interviewer(Arup Sinha- my practice head) that I am pregnant, and I was expecting disappointment on his face. Instead, he came up with a reaction that got imprinted in my head as a symbol of Accenture's core values. He said "Accenture respects women at the workplace and your current physical condition will have no bearing whether we make you an offer or not" And 48 hrs later,
I got the offer.

I had written the following poetry for my experience during the Accenture recruitment process.. Sharing it with you all!

Mid of November 2014 it was
A professional and a to be mother got a call

"We are from Accenture " said the voice
"Can you come for a discussion tomorrow" make your choice

" Why will they recruit a pregnant me? " said my inner voice
"Do not think negative" said my hubby and rejoiced

Suited , booted and ready for the day
Went for the discussion , entered from the doorway

Risk management talks took the time
The lively discussion had no downtime

"We will let you know the outcome" said Arup
"I want to let you know I am pregnant " said my anxious voice

"We do not discriminate, merit only matters" Arup reassured
2 days later, I got my offer and was rest assured

Diversity and inclusion are not only lip-service
"Actions speak louder than words" is the real deal

Accenture walked the talk is the real thing
Work and family , you can manage everything

-Dhanashree

A little ambitious girl!

Nirmala Sitharaman became India's woman defence minister. Don't know if we really need to know if the defence minister is a man or a woman. Don't know if woman being a defence minister in 21st century is a sign of progress or lots to do. All I know is even in 21st century there are women who have to answer the question" how will you manage both home and work?"

Penning a poetry of a little ambitious girl who aimed for an equal world and was fraught with different experiences.

Not so long ago, a baby was born
Adored by everyone, she was her parents' first-born

Slowly school started , books came along
What will she do, will she be Neil Armstrong?

"I am a free bird", said the girl carefree
Learning is a journey, let me play the spelling bee

Girl or boy, doesn't matter at all
You can achieve anything big or small

She topped her college, praises came along
"Proud of you girl, please be strong"

A few years later, Prince Charming came along
Promised to stay with her lifelong

"Working or homemaker " make a choice,
"I can do both" said her strong voice

The married girl had a baby
Soon her schedules became crazy
"Who will be the caregiver" asked a nosy Aunty
"Will you quit your job?" asked another Monty

Have we progressed? , wondered the new mommy
Whom do I lean on, was the question haunting

Some questions have no answers, assured her sister,
No matter what happens, she promised to make this world more equal for her daughter

-Dhanashree