The other day I was a bit unwell. So much so that I wasn't able to get up and was feeling feverish. Husband equally tired from a long day and late from office, immediately handled the kids and did some basic household chores like filling water bottles etc which is normally done by me. He did all this without me telling him to do this. Core feminists might say there is nothing great about it. So what if my husband does this? It is great because it's an improvement from earlier times when I had to tell him to do certain things and he would not even understand sometimes. Now this is happening seamlessly. This to me is what shared parenting is all about - It's not just about sharing the chores on the list ,it is moving away from Do as Directed to taking ownership of execution as well as mental load.
Why is shared parenting required?
Purely, because when both the partners engage in child rearing, it becomes enjoyable for both as well as less stressful had it been done by one parent predominantly. It helps in binding with kids for both the parents. With today's nuclear family structure , it becomes imperative that both the partners share the load. Even if you have household help, there are still certain things you might need to do and there will obviously be mental load of tasks to be done. Also 100% dependance on household help is risky as they take advantage of the dependence sometimes. Hence shared parenting is required. Shared parenting does not mean exact 50-50 division of tasks. It means division in a way such that both the spouse's get time to pursue their other ambitions. Sometimes the child rearing load might be more on the spouse whose the professional load is lighter and vice versa. But over a period of time it evens out.
What are the roadblocks to shared parenting? What are the possible solutions to them?
Patriarchal mindset- Why should men do this? It's a women's job. Plus we can hire help. Why should a man be involved in all this? Log kya kahenge mindset - beta bacche ka diaper badalta hain
Solution- This one takes time. Mindset change is individual as well as societal pressure helps. Ads by Ariel like Share the load sort of help in driving home the message. Also because we emulate the west - showing that in the west people do things on their own should help in changing the mindset. Give the example of Sharmaji ka beta from USA .
There is help available mindset- There is affordable household help available in India, why do this on our own. So delegate.
Solution- Not everything can be delegated. Also if it can be , what about the mental load about this management if househelp? What about their sick days? We need to drive this point strongly.
Women not letting go- Women expecting perfection and hence refusing to delegate
Solution - This is a tuff one. Women being perfectionist, want things to be done in exactly one way. Women must realise that even if things are not done in their way they want but done in a reasonably ok way, the world will not come to an end. For example if your husband gives bath to your child in a diferent way than yours , it's ok.
Income factor - The factor that women's salary is much lower, hence she can stay at home so that husband can fully focus on work. The combined family income due to this will still be higher
Solution - Men need to understand that job is not merely a source of income , it's much more for women. Two jobs also help in risk diversification in volatile times.
Joint family - Joint families are great support systems if they want to help. But they are the worst if big egos are involved. If the elders especially elder women in the family want to trouble the daughter in law, they will ensure she doesn't get her husband's support and brainwash him against shared parenting.
Solution : Men need to be smartly told that what difference their help makes and how it positively impacts babies. Once they realise that, then they generally are willing to contribute
Shared parenting is the only way forward for us to progress as a society. So the sooner we go there, the better it is.
#dsaidso
#mydaughtermyteacher
#parenting
-Dhanashree.
Https://dsaidso.blogspot.com
No comments:
Post a Comment