What is the right age to become a mother?There are scientific studies that demonstrate fertility declines as you age. Statistical correlations between career growth and age of motherhood might point something. All I know is correlation is not necessarily equal to causation. I remember Indra Nooyi saying sometime, "For a woman her biological clock and career clock will always be in conflict".
I remember a few people suggesting how a career woman should not have a child before 30. That you should first settle a bit into your career and then think of starting a family. That before 30 is simply not the right age to start a family and aspire to have a career at the same time.
There are people from my parents generation who feel the earlier you have kids, the better.
A lot of people say they like kids. Liking kids is not a sufficient condition for having your own child. Playing with someone else's child for 2 hours versus raising your own child for the entire day is an entirely different ballgame. That said, you can never be fully aware of what childcare entails until your own little one is born. So when is the right time to have a child?
According to me, when you are emotionally and financially ready to have a child, that is the right age. You can never be 100% sure of that, but should be reasonably sure.
What about the other case - what if you don't want to have a child at all? And there are hundreds others who tell you how foolish it is not to have one. Frankly I have not been in that situation. All I know is , social pressure can never be the reason to change the decision regarding having a child. Because when you decide to have a child, you and your spouse will be the primary caregiver for the child. Hence if you do not want a child, no social pressure should affect your decision.
My daughter was born in May 2015. My life completely changed after that. My clock and my timing was no longer mine. When she was born, my doctor told me, "You have to feed her every 2 hours. When she sleeps, you sleep. When she wakes up, you wake up" . For someone who was used to adequate and fixed sleep routine, this was a big change.
My daughter will turn 4 soon. Time has passed really fast. Every single day she hugs me tight and tells me I am her favourite. It feels awesome, a top of the world feeling.
But then there are other days, days when she falls sick. Days when her fever doesn't subside. Days when she's unwell and you have a very important deadline in office. Days when you don't know if you are giving proper attention to work and home both.
Days when you come and doubt yourself , was the age of 27-28 the right age to have a child? Days of frustration when you feel nothing is working out.
Over the past 4 years, I have given up many work related and personal travel opportunities. I have missed meeting many friends. Whether every new mom needs to do that , its her priority and choice. I did.
But I did all what I could when I was with my daughter. I have told her stories. I have played like a child with her. I have learnt to see through a child's inquisitive lens. My daughter is as much my teacher as I am hers. She inspires me to write. Her energy inspires me to do a lot more than I can imagine.
I still don't know if I myself had my daughter at the right age. I have penned down stuff basis what I read, heard and experienced. In hindsight a lot of stuff can be post facto rationalised to suit the motherhood at right age or against the right age argument. But hindsight doesn't matter. All that matters is when you are financially and emotionally ready for having a child that's the right age for motherhood. And damm the world if they think that isn't the right age. For someone may be ready for motherhood at 25 and someone else at 35.
-Dhanashree
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