EQUAL, yet DIFFERENT - Book Review

 Do you want to draw from the collective experience of career women across experience levels, industries and varied backgrounds? Are you a working mom struggling with the guilt of not spending enough time with the child? Are you on a career break thinking that you are lagging back on your career and don’t know what to do?Are you husband to a career woman and want her to rise to her highest potential ( self -actualization as mentioned in Maslow’s theory). Are you a policy maker making policies to promote equality? Are you a colleague of a career woman – which I assume of most of us are? If you are any of the above – Anita Bhogle’s “Equal Yet Different” is a must read. The is a must read for all career women, their families and the professionals that they work with. The books talks about women dreaming aloud, investing in yourself , managing guilt, having enablers ,managing new ways of working especially WFH, the diversity agenda and developing the equality mindset

The book starts with defining how women are equal yet different from men. It talks of the winning triangle which is the combination of ability , attitude and passion that determines success. For women, it says this triangle isn’t enough , there is one more angle about the choices she makes. One of the single most decisions that decides how a woman’s life will turn out is the choice of the spouse. I liked the term coined by Rama Bijapurkar of a gender liberal spouse. Anita says , developing the equality mindset is important right from home.

Quoting from an example from Falguni Nayar, Anita says “The ability to say  NO can be a huge asset for a busy professional woman who needs to use her time wisely. “ I couldn’t agree more with this statement. Raising two kids along with our full time jobs has meant I say no to a lot of get togethers, picnics etc. I ruthlessly prioritize and as Falguni says “setting the right expectations at both home and work is important.”

Talking about careers , the book says - Planning one’s career is more important than just moving from one role to other. If you are serious about your career, you need to actively take charge of it

It is said that women don’t negotiate as much as men. The book says - Some women ascribe the reluctance to negotiate to women’s fear that acting tough during the interview could potentially diminish her chances to get a concession- should she require flexibility in working hours, change in role etc. 

One of the toughest times in my career was when I had my kids. How would I manage , will the kid stay without me all those thoughts crossed my mind. In my case, I could manage my career due to the tremendous support of my parents in childcare . Did I still face guilt? Yes – I did and still do question myself if I am good mother, good professional. Anita says- “There is no escaping guilt. Being clear about your priorities and accepting the choices that follow make it easier to manage the guilt.”

Given that Covid 19 changed the way we work, Anita says its quite important  to recreate office environment at home if you are planning to work from home.

A working woman invariably needs a village to manage the household. Who are your allies and enablers? Who is your core and backup crew to handle emergencies?How can you use technology to make your life efficient? Knowing the answers to these questions is very important

 

The points  and questions in the pause section are an important source of reflection and self awareness.  I , for myself, am going to think about and write down answers to each and reflect on them periodically to track my progress. Some of the questions worth definitely thinking over deeply and periodically are -

If you are hoping to go to the next level at work what are the top two things that you will need to work on . How will you go about achieving that?

Do you have a career path or a long term goal in mind?

Have you proactively sought out career opportunities?

Think of a situation where you allowed guilt to get the better of you. Is there any way you could have prevented it?

Identify male and female buddies or mentors who can support you in fulfilling your dreams

Do you behave like an equal at home and work? Do you practice and encourage equality with your children and colleagues?

It is a book worth reading multiple times periodically. Each time you read, you will learn something new simply because you will relate to the content in a newer context.