What motherhood taught me

 

‌My younger daughter turned 4 months on 26th January. I still remember the fag end of pregnancy when I was super tired and thinking when I will finally deliver. From that to delivery and then 4 months post delivery ,time has passed really fast.  And yes my elder one is now almost 5 years old, 4 yrs and 8 months to be precise.  My elder daughter Swara fondly referred to little 'S' in my blogposts is now big 'S' the big sister. She is the one who talks like a big sis to my younger one, and tries to calm her down while she is crying. Suddenly my tasks for Swara have come down to only feeding her food predominantly . She no longer needs  baby like supervision. To me it feels all grown up. From me managing Swara to her managing my younger one , when did all this happen- I wonder?

‌I then go back in time and think of all those times when I used to get very concerned about Swara. Why was she sleeping late , was she being fed the right stuff etc etc. When you are away from your child,you will always have these questions. I then look back at the amount of energy I expended in thinking of those things. And I can say that in some cases I spent more time in thinking about them than they deserved. Should I have not thought about them at all? No that's not correct. I should have focused on actions only, and forgotten about unnecessary analysis as people don't change. As my daughter turns 5 , when I look back and think of the good times and bad times ,  my biggest learning has been only and only to focus on factors in my control. And this is easier said than done for people who want perfection. And now as I raise my two daughters, I want to share some of my learnings-

‌1. Motherhood will get overwhelming-   Becoming parents and especially a mother can get very overwhelming. Once you become a mother, you are most important figure in your child's life. The child will demand attention all the time. You will constantly have conflicting priorities and will have to continuously strive for that elusive work and family life balance if you are working. The trick to handle this state of overwhelming feeling is to take one day at a time. Not to think too long term. For example let's say your child is not eating proper food for a couple of days. Instead of worrying about what happens to his/her long term health due to this, focus on one meal at a time. Think of how you can make him/her eat healthy food then. If he/she eats well , fine. If he/she doesn't, try this method for the next meal. The advantage of thinking like this is your brain is free of unnecessary worry clutter and you focus on task at hand. Also look at bigger picture. If a few meals out of so many meals in so many years are unhealthy, it shouldn't worry you so much.

‌

‌2. Your goal as parents is to teach the right morals and values to your child - In today's increasingly connected world, we cannot control what influences our children fall prey to. All we can do is teach them the right values and morals. Schools also do play a part in doing this. But we as parents should take an effort in doing this so that the children understand the difference between the right and the wrong.

‌

‌3. Time is the key - Time is the key , time changes a lot of things. When your child is small, you will be dependent for a lot of small stuff. But as your child grows, your dependence will reduce. Basically when you are dependent, a lot of the support system can take advantage of your dependence on them. This will change with time. When your child becomes more independent, your dependence on the support system will decrease too.

‌

4. It takes a village to raise a child- I  today's world , it is becoming difficult to find that village to raise a child.  The key is to identify those people in the village who are truly helpers to those whom you can turn at any time for help. Rest don't matter. They don't matter at all.Period.

5. " We raised our kids in xyz way and they turned up well." Is the most generic statement ever-  When your parenting style will differ from some elders, this is the standard argument put forth by them. If it's in good intent, its ok.  If it's to prove how they were  good parents, it's full on nonsense. First and foremost there is no proof of what happened that time. Secondly the environment was different. Thirdly even orphans turn out fine. So you get the point. A child that turns out well is not necessarily a product of great parenting and vice versa is true too. How you raise your child should be entirely you and your spouse's choice. Difficult in Indian society but this is how it should be.

6. Enjoy each phase of parenthood- Each phase of parenthood brings with it a set of joyful times as well as challenging times. Many a times we focus on only challenges and forget to enjoy in the moment. Cherish each moment as these days never come back.Maybe your baby was a lot cranky during the day. But she must have smiled too right. Focus on the smiles

7. Small things matter-The time you spend with your child matters more than material stuff. Yesterday I picked up my elder daughter in arms after a year( due to pregnancy and post csec recovery). She was overjoyed and she told everyone she met how mumma picked up in her arms. Small things for us, big things for kids.

" Kids grow up, it will all be fine" they say. It's the nature's law that  kids will grow up. This is  a good statement to say during tough times. But as parents our job is to raise them with good values and morals and leave the rest. And last but not the least do not let others judgements of your parenting style affect you even a bit.

-Dhanashree

#dsaidso #parenting #mydaughtermyteacher

Throwback to IIM Bangalore days

20th June has always been a special day for me. It's the day I started my PGP at IIM Bangalore 8 years back -- that is on 20th June 2011. On this day, my roller coaster ride for 2 years began. Why did I do my MBA in the first place? There were many reasons for the same. A sense of achievement, an experience of being in one of the top institutes , career growth to name a few. Did I achieve what I wanted? There are multiple times in the year when I reflect upon this question but on days like this, I reflect even more. It's been 6 years since I have graduated from IIMB. Now I look at my post MBA life in a different perspective. I now no longer constantly think about if my career growth is at right pace, has the MBA really accelerated my career etc. Instead I am happy about some of the amazing things that the MBA from IIM has given me.

Looking back at the 2-year PGP , I feel the learnings that it gave were tremendous. It was not just about knowing the subject matter from the best of the professors. It was not just about grades. Competing with the best of best wherein in one quiz you would be at the top and in the next one barely average and managing to survive this sinusoid of grades was a task in itself. Mind you , almost everyone at IIMB have been toppers at their respective colleges or from the top undergrad colleges. Getting an average score on quiz is not easy for most of the people to accept in the first place. But going through this grind is very similar to what life would offer. Sometimes we do well , sometimes we don't. The key takeaway is that as Raj Kapoor said, the show must go on. We must continue working hard. We must move on. IIM Bangalore taught me this- it gave a boost to my existing fighter spirit. You got to work hard and better every single day. And when I meet my friends even now, I see the same spirit around.

It has given me an amazing network of people. People who came from varied parts of India, varied socio economic strata, but brought together in one campus due to sheer merit.People who are not only brilliant in their respective fields but also in a lot of other stuff. In the recent alumni meet, I met alumni who along with managing their demanding careers were into things like starting schools in their villages, doing stage shows,writing books etc. As a part of Women in IIM group, I am equally amazed at the stories of how women have managed careers, families, juggling the two and yet managing to live their dreams.

When I graduated 6 years back, all I thought of is Husshh! The quiz saga and non stop exam saga is over. The only thing I thought I would miss is the hostel and my room. Now looking back, I think those 2 PGP years at IIM B were the best learning and fun years of my life. I not only miss my room and the campus but so many memories in which the quizzes and exams seem so trivial.

Miss you, IIMB!

My old post on IIMB here - http://dsaidso.blogspot.com/search/label/IIM?m=1

-Dhanashree

#SavetheDoctors

Neena is a working professional in her 40s. She has a very demanding job. She regularly suffers from cough, cold, bad throat. For that her remedy is to pop pills, some of them antibiotics on her own. Last month, she had a very severe case of throat infection. It was not getting better by those pills. Finally she visited the doctor. The doctor asked her the medical history. She mentioned that she had taken antibiotics on her own. The doctor prescribed some other medicines. Neena took few weeks to recover. It was a bit longer than expected for her age and condition.. Who does Neena blame for this? The doctor ? Can she ignore the fact that this random pill popping may have caused her body to become antibiotic resistant? Can she ignore the fact that the stresses of her job may have lowered her immunity?

Sharmaji is in his late 60s . He has diabetes and BP. His philosophy of life is you live only once and hence 'ji bhar ke
Kha lo' .Sharmaji doesn't believe in restricting sugar intake. If sugar increases , there is always insulin . He has been doing this for last 5-7 years. Last month he developed a foot infection and his foot had to be amputated and a Jaipur foot installed in its place. According to him, it was the doctors fault of not being able to prevent the amputation. What about the fact he did not follow the diet that the doctor had given? How regular was he in his medicines?

Mr & Mrs Joshi recently went on a Europe trip costing many lakhs of rupees. On coming back Mr Joshi was feeling very fatigued for a few days. The doctor recommended some tests worth Rs 15,000. When the results came, they looked all fine. The doctor then recommended some more tests. To this, Mr Joshi's reaction was the fact that " Doctor just recommends unnecessary tests. He is just a loot and has some setting with the lab people"
My question is how qualified is Mr Joshi to declare a test is unnecessary? If the report is good , the test becomes unnecessary? And what if the doctors hadn't recommended that test , and it would have turned negative later? Mr Joshi would have blamed the doctor for not recommending the test. A person who can spend lakhs of money on travel suddenly feels a healthcare checkup expense as unnecessary? Most people want 5 star treatment and facilities in a hospital and the cost should be peanuts. That will never happen. We do not go to Starbucks expecting the cost as well as the taste of a filter coffee. Similar logic should apply.

The point I want to make here is that it is very easy to blame doctors. While there might be cases of neglect by doctors, that does not mean they are always wrong and by any means does not justify physical violence against them. Each patient is different- his age, his family history, his immunity etc. How he responds to treatment depends on his body and not the treatment alone. What works for one person may not work for other. Hence before comparing two people and doctors, one must remember the uniqueness of each immune system.

 I have myself had many extremely positive experiences with doctors who have gone out of their way to treat me and my family. Hence in the light of what happened in Bengal a few days back, I thought I should write something on this issue and help in #Savethedoctors movement.

- Dhanashree

P.S the examples here are fictional inspired by similar real life stories

आजी

"काहीतरी बोलूया " ही माझ्या लेकीची नेहमीची मागणी .  मी इतकी बडबडी आहे, पण तो रेकॉर्ड आता माझ्या मुलीने तोडला आहे. एकतर फक्त तिने बोलले पाहिजे किंवा फक्त तिच्याशी लोकांनी बोलले पाहिजे हा अट्टाहास. रात्री झोपताना माझ्याकडून कुठली गोष्ट ऐकायची आणि बाबाकडून कुठली हे तिच्या मनात पक्क ठरलेलं . अशा माझ्या अनेक गोष्टींपैकी तिची आवडती गोष्ट म्हणजे सरस्वती आजीची गोष्ट . सरस्वती आजी म्हणजे माझी आजी, मी तिला आजीच म्हणायचे, लोक तिला ताई आजी म्हणायचे. स्वराने तुझ्या आजीचे नाव काय असे मला विचारले आणि तिचे नाव सरस्वती असे सांगितल्यावर ती स्वरासाठी सरस्वती आजी झाली.  आजी मुळात मालवणी बोलायची आणि आमच्याशी मालवणी मिश्रित मराठी किंवा मराठी मिश्रित मालवणी. मालवणी भाषा ही  कोकणी आणि मराठी या  दोन भाषांच्या मधली भाषा म्हणायला हरकत नाही. मधली म्हटलं कारण ती थोडीफार मराठी आणि थोडीफार कोकणी सारखी वाटते. मालवणी बद्दल लिहिण्याचं कारण हे - माझी आजी काही मालवणी म्हणी सांगायची ज्याचा या काळातसुद्धा उपयोग पडतो, अर्थ लागू होतो.               रोजच्या व्यवहारात त्याची आठवण नेहमी येते.

 स्वराला जेव्हा सरस्वती आजीच्या गोष्टी ऐकायच्या असतात तेव्हा मी तिला आमचे रोजचे किस्से तर सांगतेच, त्याचबरोबर या म्हणीसुद्धा सांगते. एका दिवशी एक  म्हण आणि त्याचं उदाहरण अशी साधारण आमची गोष्ट असते.  तिला गोष्ट सांगताना  नेहमी असं वाटतं कुठेतरी हे लिहून काढावं . पण आजीच्या इतक्या आठवणी भरून येतात की लिहिणं काही होत नाही. एक  लिहायला घेतलं कि दहा गोष्टी आठवतात , आठवणीत, जुन्या काळात जाऊन, आजी नाही याचं  दुःख होतं  आणि मग लिहायला जमत नाही.  पण आज ठरवलंच या लिखाणाला सुरुवात करायची. या विषयावर किती सातत्याने लिखाण होईल हे माहित नाही पण आज सुरुवात करतेय.

आजीला कुठलीही गोष्ट फुकट गेलेली आवडायची नाही. याचा अर्थ ती कंजूस होती असा नसून ती व्यवहारी होती असा आहे. उदाहरणार्थ - लहान असताना माझ्याकडे भरपूर खेळणी आणि कंपासबॉक्स होते. मला या दोन्ही गोष्टींची आवड. एवढ्या वस्तू असूनसुद्धा मी अजून त्यात काय नवीन दिसलं तर मला हवं  असायचं .. एकदा तर मी business हा खेळ घरी असताना अजून एक वेगळ्या पॅकिंग मध्ये business दिसला म्हणून घेण्याचा हट्ट धरला. शाळेच्या result  नंतर मला आजोळहून गिफ्ट असायचं. त्याप्रमाणे  मी माझ्या आजोबांना  business घ्या  असं सांगितलं . घरी आल्यावर आजीने " घरी एक खेळ असताना दुसरा कशाला?" असं थोड्याफार रागातच विचारलं. एकसारखेच दोन खेळ, फक्त थोडेफार वेगळे दिसतात म्हणून घ्यायचे हे तिला पटतच नव्हतं. मी मात्र नवीन आणलेल्या खेळाबद्दल आजी बोलल्याने हिरमुसून बसले होते. मग थोड्यावेळाने आजीने माझ्या जवळ येऊन माझी समजूत काढली .ती म्हणाली" अगो धनु, अशे पैशे फुकट घालयणात नाय. आपल्याकडे पैसे नसले तर आपणाक कोणी विचारुचो नाय. बरा असताना सगळे येतीत पण गरज असताना कोण्णेक धावून येवचो नाय"  तेव्हा हे ऐकताना फारच old-fashioned वाटत होतं . एक खेळ  घेतल्याने काय येवढं बिघडणार आहे असं वाटायचं . त्यावर आजीचं म्हणणं एक खेळ घेण्याबद्दल नसून या वृत्तीबद्दल होतं‌‌ असं ती म्हणाली. तिचं अजून एक म्हणणं होतं ते म्हणजे असे फुकट पैसे घालवण्यापेक्षा गोरगरिबांना मदत करावी.

माझी आजी २००६ साली गेली. आता तिला जाऊन बरीच वर्ष  झालीत.  आता मात्र एवढ्या वर्षात आजीचं बोलणं १००% पटलं. पैशाची चणचण कधीच भासली नाही पण  आपली  आर्थिक आणि सामाजिक स्थिती कळल्यावर लोकांच्या वागण्यात बदल होतो हे लक्षात आलं. "खर्च करायला काय झालं, पैसे तर येतच राहणार" असं म्हणून स्वत:चे पैसे राखून दुसऱ्याला चढवणारे आणि खर्चात पाडणारे भेटले, की आजीच्या शिकवणीची आठवण येते.
आपल्याकडे सगळं असताना लोक कसे वागतात आणि आपल्याला गरज असताना लोक कशी पाठ फिरवतात याचा अनुभव घेतला.  आपल्याला गरज नसताना, सगळं छान चालू असताना  सगळेच येतात. त्यातले जे कठीण प्रसंगात येतात आणि आपल्या पाठीशी उभे राहतात , तेच खरे आपले. याचा मला प्रत्यय अगदी सारखा येतो आणि आजीची आणि तिच्या असंख्य म्हणींची आठवण झाल्याशिवाय राहत नाही.

आज पुलंचा स्मृतिदिन. पु ल सुद्धा म्हणाले होते " मोठेपणी श्रीमंत हॉटेलात पार्ट्या देणाऱ्या मित्रापेक्षा लहानपणी न मागता हातावर खोबऱ्याची  वडी देणारी म्हातारी आयुष्यभर आठवत असते."

-धनश्री

With you, always

My sister-in-law and her husband graduated from ISB, Hyderabad this year. My husband went to Hyderabad to be a part of this convocation. Me and my daughter could not join him, hence he went on his own. Incidentally at the Hyderabad airport, he met a couple who were also going to ISB for their son's convocation. All of them took the same cab to go to ISB.

On noticing that my husband was travelling alone, uncle asked him why I am not accompanying him. My husband replied saying that I have some other commitments and hence I am not accompanying him. But this questioning did not stop there. Uncle further probed my husband if that was really the reason why I wasn't accompanying him. He was like are there any issues in our marriage? He went on to market further that he is a marriage counseler and we could go to him if we had any issues.

When my husband told me this, I did not know how to react. Just to get business, a marriage counselor tried to find fault in the marriage of a new acquaintance. Secondly if he truly thought that travelling together always was a hallmark of a successful relationship, I only have one thing to say- save his wife and his counselles too:)

My husband and I had promised each other right since the beginning that we would be with each other always. That doesn't imply we would go to each place and occassion together. That just means, I will be there with you each and every time you need me.

Ultimately I am With you, always !

-Dhanashree
#dsaidso
Https://dsaidso.blogspot.com

There is no right Mama

And so April is finally here..The national poetry writing month #NaPoWriMo. I managed to write poems daily in April 2018 and hope to write even a few this time. The first one for today is taking cue from Today's prompt and discussing about being a "Mama". Society wants moms to fit a certain image. A mom wonders whether she is the right mama. I myself don't know if I am the right mama. But my experience of being a mom to my almost 4 year old makes me write this. To all moms out there, I wish to say- Don't be to harsh on yourselves. Be kind , your child understands you and loves you..

There is no right mama
There is no wrong mama
But there is a loving mama
And a mama with the right intent

How can be the best mama, I wonder
Has my baby been fed well, I ponder
Take each day as it comes, I say
Plan well while expecting some of it to fail
Some days are excellent
Some days are worse
But you know what—
Your baby needs and loves you despite the day’s outcome

Be kind to yourself, Slow down a bit
Never allow sarcasms to pull you down even a slight bit
Create your own village to help raise your child
Do not expect help from selfish people at any mile
Some people will go the extra mile to help
Some people purposely won’t
A child grows up nonetheless, a mother has enough power

Be your own true self , your child needs you
Do not be a “should be mama” that people want you to
There is no right mama
There is no wrong mama
But there is a loving mama
And a mama with the right intent

-Dhanashree
#mydaughtermyteacher #mdmt #parenting #mommyblogger#NaPoWriMo2019
My last year's NaPoWriMo Poems-http://dsaidso.blogspot.com/search/label/NaPoWriMo2018

We will sail through!

Today is World Poetry Day. Incidentally it also happens to be the day I got engaged 6 years ago.
Hence on this day, dedicating a poem to my husband:

As you held my hand tight
I knew it was you with who I wanted to live all my life
We sailed through the good and bad times
Keeping the promise to stand by each other for a lifetime

You gave me the highs in all my lows
While our little one always kept us on our toes

We didn’t have defined couple goals nor any checklists
All we did is supporting each other always

Our fights and our crazy schedules
With a long distance relationship in between
Nothing could keep our hearts apart

6 years on, a lot has changed
But you still hold my hand tight and say “ We will sail through”

-Dhanashree
#dsaidso #worldpoetryday
https://dsaidso.blogspot.com

Balance for better

#BalanceforBetter

Reena was in an office meeting. Her husband Mahesh was supposed to pickup kids from daycare that day.
 Suddenly her phone vibrated , "Mahesh calling" it was.
She cut the call .
 "Please chat" , she whatsapped him.
 " Can you please leave early and pickup Sia from daycare?" he whatsapped.

This had happened many times before. Sometimes when it was his turn of picking up kids from daycare, he would be stuck in office and message Reena on similar lines
Reena was tired of all this. She was fedup of making constant adjustments to her schedule. She felt she was neither doing justice to her job or her family life. She just thought she should call it quits.

There are many such Reena's in the society.
Women who are financially independent but willing to give up that due to seemingly trivial yet constant issues like this.

Isn't the child equal responsibility of the father as well? Would he have liked if Reena asked him to pickup from daycare when it was actually Reena's turn to do so?
Men need to understand that their wife's job is as important as theirs. Many argue that the wife is not earning much hence why does she need to work. A job is not just a source of income for a woman, it is a source of dignity, financial independence and a lot more.

Also what can we as a society do to prevent such Reena's from giving up?
Obviously systems, infrastructure etc can improve. Those are long term solutions.
In the short term, you can if possible
- Offer to pickup a friends kid if she needs help
- Offer to babysit a neighbour's kid for a couple of hours
- Connect friends to any parenting groups that they can derive support from

These are just some of the ways we can help mothers when they are stuck in situations. These are not permanent or scalable solutions. But they offer a lot of hope and a fallback option to mothers. That there is someone to depend on, even if it is for a few occasions gives a lot of courage.

And yes last but not the least, we can raise our sons better and educate them that men and women are equal.
Change begins at home..Ask the men to #sharetheload .#balanceforbetter starts by helping women balance their career and family.

This is the month of Woman's day. On this month lets make a pledge for #balanceforbetter by striving to help women in whatever way we can.

-Dhanashree

• #balanceforbetter #sharetheload #womensday #internationalwomensday

National Girl Child Day

Our little 'S' sleeps late in night. The other day both of us were really tired and wanted her to sleep asap. So my husband told her a story. The story had a character named "Kartar Singh".

So he told our little S, "If you stay awake beyond 12 , Kartar Singh will put me in jail. Kartar Singh takes to jail dads of all those girls who stay awake beyond 12"

S- But Dad, doesn't Kartar Singh have a daughter too? She must not be sleeping too. So if she doesn't sleep, will he go to jail too leaving his daughter behind? No right? So he will not put you in jail too.

Again a 3.5 year old has a sense of justice and fairness. The thought process is so logical.She truly understands the meaning of "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you".

If we treat daughters as human beings on the same terms as sons,
If we realise that some other girl there is someone else's daughter too
And she deserves to be treated atleast as equally as your daughter too
The world would see more equality and peace

-Dhanashree

#nationalgirlchildday
#mydaughterismyteacher
#equality
#dsaidso

The parenting DCP

A conversation between a mom of a 4 year old girl and and an aunty. Let's call them mom and aunty respectively. Let the 4 year old girl be called as the little one( LO) .The mom is a stay at home mom. Aunty is a retired teacher. The 4 year old studies in one of the hi-fi international schools. So now that the context is set, here goes the conversation

Aunty- So which school does she go to?

Mom- She just started going to Jr. K.G. But you know what, I homeschooled her for. 2 years before that?

( me thinks- homeschooling before 4 , what's that?)

Aunty- Oh wow, how did you do that?

Mom-  I researched, I read a lot of books, I took her out to play. You know homeschooling is not just about sitting at home. Its also about taking kids out, giving     them the right exposure. When I came to Mumbai from Delhi, most people scared me that my daughter will not have social skills as she has not gone to play school. But you know I had worked on that. So I was confident she will do well.

Aunty-  That's really nice to know.  What stories do you read out to her?

Mom-  I read those good night stories for rebel girls . I have already finished one book. Earlier I read Cinderella but I realized that fairy tales and all is too unrealistic. Hence I have stopped. You see she knows so much about them.
(She is now pointing to her daughter and indicating her to show her intelligence maybe)

LO- I love Cinderella

Mom- oh you know so many other stories, don't you? And aunty you know what I have restricted her screen time too. We have set time for the day which is divided into intervals of 10 mins.

( And the conversation continues.......)

What do you infer from the conversation above? A super mom talking? Or a retired teacher listening?

All I infer is a lady who is trying to prove what she does for her kid to others. There is some much 'I' in the conversation above trying to prove supermom skills. Right exposure is a word I hear too much these days. I do xyz for my kid to make him/her smart and all rounder is also heard quite often nowadays.

All I wish to ask is, did the parents themselves do as many things as they expect the kids to do?
Also If the kid is smart, the results will show. As a parent, you do not constantly talk about your absolutely awesome parenting skills. For god's sake, parenting is not a competition and at least for me such conversations to put in IIM lingo seem like parenting DCP( desperate class participation)

#yeh_aaj_kal_ke_parents

-Dhanashree

The 'right' age

What is the right age to become a mother?There are scientific studies that demonstrate fertility declines as you age. Statistical correlations between career growth and age of motherhood might point something. All I know is correlation is not necessarily equal to causation. I remember Indra Nooyi saying sometime, "For a woman her biological clock and career clock will always be in conflict".

I remember a few people suggesting how a career woman should not have a child before 30. That you should first settle a bit into your career and then think of starting a family. That before 30 is simply not the right age to start a family and aspire to have a career at the same time.
There are people from my parents generation who feel the earlier you have kids, the better.

A lot of people say they like kids. Liking kids is not a sufficient condition for having your own child. Playing with someone else's child for 2 hours versus raising your own child for the entire day is an entirely different ballgame. That said, you can never be fully aware of what childcare entails until your own little one is born. So when is the right time to have a child?
According to me, when you are emotionally and financially ready to have a child, that is the right age. You can never be 100% sure of that, but should be reasonably sure.

What about the other case - what if you don't want to have a child at all? And there are hundreds others who tell you how foolish it is not to have one. Frankly I have not been in that situation. All I know is , social pressure can never be the reason to change the decision regarding having a child. Because when you decide to have a child, you and your spouse will be the primary caregiver for the child. Hence if you do not want a child, no social pressure should affect your decision.

My daughter was born in May 2015. My life completely changed after that. My clock and my timing was no longer mine. When she was born, my doctor told me, "You have to feed her every 2 hours. When she sleeps, you sleep. When she wakes up, you wake up" . For someone who was used to adequate and fixed sleep routine, this was a big change.

My daughter will turn 4 soon. Time has passed really fast. Every single day she hugs me tight and tells me I am her favourite. It feels awesome, a top of the world feeling.

But then there are other days, days when she falls sick. Days when her fever doesn't subside. Days when she's unwell and you have a very important deadline in office. Days when you don't know if you are giving proper attention to work and home both.
Days when you come and doubt yourself , was the age of 27-28 the right age to have a child? Days of frustration when you feel nothing is working out.

Over the past 4 years, I have given up many work related and personal travel opportunities. I have missed meeting many friends. Whether every new mom needs to do that , its her priority and choice. I did.

But I did all what I could when I was with my daughter. I have told her stories. I have played like a child with her. I have learnt to see through a child's inquisitive lens. My daughter is as much my teacher as I am hers. She inspires me to write. Her energy inspires me to do a lot more than I can imagine.

I still don't know if I myself had my daughter at the right age. I have penned down stuff basis what I read, heard and experienced.  In hindsight a lot of stuff can be post facto rationalised to suit the motherhood at right age or against the right age argument. But hindsight doesn't matter. All that matters is when you are financially and emotionally ready for having a child that's the right age for motherhood. And damm the world if they think  that isn't the right age. For someone may be ready for motherhood at 25 and someone else at 35.

-Dhanashree