Of losing and aging

I lost my uncle 'Bhai Kaka' 2 weeks back. He was my dad's eldest uncle's eldest son, almost of a grandfather's age, 95 to be precise. Given that the average life expectancy of Indian males is approx 68 years, Kaka lived a long healthy life. No hospitalization, no diabetes , no BP or the likes. Apart from the last stage of his life, he was never hospitalized. In all this maddening pace of life , things like the death of a loved one make you rethink about a lot of things. Your mind wanders back in time.

My mind went back to my childhood days. Whenever Bhai Kaka would visit us, he would get an Amul ice cream for me and my brother. If we knew Bhai Kaka was coming, the first thing we checked after coming home from school was the freezer and grab the ice creams right away. This was a ritual every time he visited us. Then as time progressed , we got busy, his visits also were slightly less frequent given his age. We became old enough to buy ice creams for ourseleves, even the fancier ones now.

I can now buy as many ice creams I want to for myself. I can order them online if I am too lazy to go and buy. But you know what, whenever I buy an ice cream now, all I feel is grown up. I realise that I am no longer small enough for someone to regularly buy these ice cream cups for me. This ice cream feels different from the one Bhai Kaka got us because maybe it doesn't have the love. Money can buy everything but not love for sure.

I am at a stage of life where my daughter looks up to me and I look upto my elders for their support and love. Knowing that you have the senior generation to look upto is such a comforting feeling. That someone will always be there for you. That you can be a child all over again. And that is why when we lose them, I feel grown up again. We age daily but events like this remind this even more. That time is passing fast and you have to be more responsible now. Anti ageing creams can make you look younger. But nothing feels younger than being the company of your mum, dad ,grandparents, uncle's and aunts..

Who make you feel like a child again and allow you to just be yourself.

#dsaidso #reflections

- Dhanashree